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Old 04-24-2014, 05:35 PM
AlbertaRaven AlbertaRaven is offline
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Default Raven's Cleverly Titled Blog

Iím Raven and Iíve been lurking around these parts for agesó2 years at leastówithout posting. Reading Elementalís story has made me want to write my own. Hence, this blog! I like the exercise of writing and I donít get to have too many conversations about poly and sex stuff so this should be a good place for me to jabber on. Comments are very welcome, thank you.

My current situation is pretty great. Iím seeing a fellow in a Ďnon-monogamous, non-committedí way. Iím not actively looking for other partners, nor is he, but I am definitely open to that. I guess what I consider myself doing at present is solo poly. I like it a lot because it strongly encourages me to be open and honest with my fellow, James, and it enables me to continue my connection with Elemental without feeling guilty.

Iíve been seeing James for only a few months and I think we are still in NRE. The first blush has worn away but we are still excited when we get to see one another. Heís got a 3-year-old boy, Alex. I like to joke that I share custody of James with his son; when he doesnít have Alex, I get to see him. The times when he does have Alex I have been spending alone or with pals, although I do often think about fitting another lover into that time because I want to have more sex. I am not motivated to go looking, though.

My fledgling career is fulfilling and quite promising. Iím happy at work. I just moved in with a long time girl pal, Helen, and Iím happy at home as well. I often feel guilty about sharing my happy feelings with people because I know Iím extremely lucky and most people have more stressors and worries than I do. Thatíll be another good reason to keep a blog, I suppose: to be able to share my happy life without the guilt.

I think thatís about it for an introduction. Work, romantic life, personal lifeÖoh yeah, I like to run and Iím 30. I like my city and try and stay engaged with local arts. I play boardgames and videogames with my friends for fun, and drink. Iím kinda silly at times and my worst quality, despite the fact that Iíve been working on it for a long time, is that Iím judgmental and forget to sympathize with people. Iíve had lots of poly experiences and most are what Iíd call successful. Even the Triad of Doom and Despair I had probably wasnít permanently scarring (I hope) and did teach me lots about poly and myself.

Part of my goal for this blog is for it to be honest and well-rounded. Yeah, life is cool now but I have issues too. I want to express both the positive and negative parts of life without getting too extreme one way or the other. That way, when I'm feeling extreme, I can re-read my blog to balance myself.

Tune in next time for: Ravenís everyday boring but nice life with James, with guest appearances by some couples at a swingersí club!

Raven
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Old 04-24-2014, 07:32 PM
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It's always encouraging to hear when someone can practice polyamory in their life and (What a thought!) still live happily. That's one thing I like about your blog so far.

If there's any flies in the ointment this is a good place to vent, but in the meantime I'm glad to read your upbeat story. Will be following it as time goes on!

Regards,
Kevin T.
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Old 04-25-2014, 01:00 AM
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I like your style, had me smiling the entire time. I look forward to reading your blog.
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Old 04-25-2014, 03:10 PM
AlbertaRaven AlbertaRaven is offline
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Hey thanks Kevin and...Alibabe_muse? Is there a short form of your name you like to go by? Ali? I really like your blog, by the way. Keep it up!
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Old 04-25-2014, 03:18 PM
AlbertaRaven AlbertaRaven is offline
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Default James

James and I have a very regular schedule because his time is dictated by when he can see his son. He separated from Alexís mom last summer and has problems with her since, so he avoids rocking the boat at all. He is maybe the best dad Iíve ever seen, and his kid is very intelligent. I would like to see James more often, and especially I would like to have more sleepovers, but I try not to complain because he canít do much to change the schedule right now and I never never want him to feel like I am asking him to choose time with me over time with the boy. Holy run-on sentence, Batman!

Because our schedule is very regular, we have a nice routine going. A nice, regular, routine. I do wish we could get out to blues jams more often, but I donít care enough to make an effort to change! Mondays and Tuesdays we have a late night beer. Fridays we see my friends to play games, maybe see a show somewhere, or stay in to cook and drink. Every other Saturday and Sunday night I see him to cook and drink, and lately, go to the Swingersí Club.

Have you tried going to one of those? Iíd never really considered it except in a kinky sense, because I like the kink scene. I know I'd enjoy a kinky sex club but actually swinging, I thought, wouldnít be for me. Nor would the public sex aspect.

Well, turns out I was wrong about that because swinging and doiní it in public is hilarious, fun, and so decadently hedonistic. Iíve been having a blast so far, and itís blowing Jamesí mind too. To be forthright, Iíd been getting a little ho-hum about our sex life because although heís massive, heís not super-skilled. We have a decent chemistry, but I was getting a bit bored and starting to think about implementing change. I donít blame him, to be clear, because I was letting things happen without being responsible for my own desires; I havenít been telling him what I want, exactly. So itís my responsibility.

At the club we just bounded right in. Luckily for us goofballs, the first couple we swung with were experienced and helped us set up boundaries before playing. That was super cool, a great intro to the club. During our second visit we werenít outright pounced upon by anyone and James was ready to be the assertive couple, but I wasnít. We held back for my sake and simply fucked each other while other couples fucked all around us. ďSimply!Ē haha at one point I cleared my head and looked up to see every piece of furniture being used by couples and threesomes and foursomes. A real orgy!

The sex club has spiced things up quite nicely, and although I will still need to address the Ďme not coming during our sexy timesí situation, things are great. We donít get to do it enough and it used to make me mental, but my sex drive lowered a little bit lately because I started a new job and moved house in the same week. Iím less mentalÖalthough I can feel the olí sex drive revving up again.

When I have asked for different things in bed, James has been really cool. I donít expect any changes I need to be a problem for us. If I get to be needing more sexy times than James and I can have together, Iíll consider adding a lover. I might also consider adding a play partner to get the kinks out; James' kink is watching and being watched, whereas mine has always been linked to age play and BDSM. Anyway, it's not a problem now! Regular routine including sexy visits to sexy sex club to continue.
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Old 04-25-2014, 05:14 PM
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Sounds like you're taking charge of your desires to see that you get your needs met. That's a good idea!
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Old 04-26-2014, 02:25 AM
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I am elemental and I approve of this blog xo
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Old 04-27-2014, 04:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlbertaRaven View Post
Hey thanks Kevin and...Alibabe_muse? Is there a short form of your name you like to go by? Ali? I really like your blog, by the way. Keep it up!

Call me Ali and thanks.
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Old 04-28-2014, 09:03 PM
AlbertaRaven AlbertaRaven is offline
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Default Trying to Learn from History

Itís supposed to be inevitable that we repeat our mistakes but I think on an individual level we can definitely change. When I first started really practicing poly I didnít have a name for it yet. I was crushing on a guy friend, Jack and girl-crushing on his long-term girlfriend, Leda. By ďgirl-crushingĒ I mean I was in friend NRE with her. We were all really excited to be around each other as much as we could. I spent a week staying at his place with them over a Christmas break from school, and slept in their bed with them. I lived with them over a summer break. I had a strong sexual connection to Jack and we began exploring it through heavy-duty makeouts. Leda claimed not to care what we did together (turned out to be completely true, sheís the least jealous lady in the world), but we couldnít sleep together because I was supposedly in a monogamous relationship with another fella, Christian. Oddly, I never felt guilty about going behind Christianís back to make out with Jack, although I should have because it was certainly wrong. That was my first real mistake with poly: cheating. It was a mild form of cheating but it was cheating nonetheless.

I had given Christian permission to sow his wild oats because I figured weíd be getting married and didnít want him to miss out. He was inexperienced with sex and relationships. We got along great and it was a major shock to me when he broke up with me. He never really gave me a reason, but he did tell me that heíd been cheating. I was so pissed off that he felt the need to go behind my back when Iíd already given him permission to sleep around, as long as he told me about the girls he slept with. I had also added that extremely naÔve rule about ďno emotional connectionsĒ. In any case, he cheated, I cheated, the relationship ended, I got over it quickly, and learned about poly.

The day after Christian dumped me I slept with Jack. I had to go back to school after that so we didnít get to see each other again for a few weeks, but that summer we started fucking on the regular. After the first time (or maybe the first few times?) I felt guilty because I hadnít had the conversation I needed to with Leda. I needed to make sure that she really was cool with what was happening. That was my second major poly mistake, not being as sure as possible about the poly expectations of other partners and metamours.

In any case, I eventually made myself talk to Leda and she was totally cool with me and my involvement with Jack. She wasnít cool that heíd made representations to me about their rules that werenít 100% honest, but I called him on it and so did she. It was a fun little summer flingÖthat continued when I lived with them the following summer.

The summer I lived with Jack and Leda was great, and I didnít make any poly mistakes. I checked in with Leda before I restarted my sexual relationship with Jack, and I checked in with her a couple times over the summer to make sure she was still cool. After all, I was fucking her boyfriend, in her bed, sometimes with her sleeping in the next room. One time she came home and caught us doiní it on the couch. I was so embarrassed but she told me not to be. She really didnít care as long as we were being honest with her. We found out later that heíd been carrying on some kind of emotional affair with a girl from work, told her he loved her and everything. Leda cared big time about that, not because it was emotional, but because he felt the need to lie to her about it. She found his texts and there was a shit show. They got over it though.

So Leda and Jack were my first foray into poly. After Christian dumped me I found the poly terminology and, like so many other people on the forums, was like ďholy crap thatís me, there are other people like that too? Thereís a language around it? AWESOMEĒ. I first started researching it thinking that a triad was what I wanted, and I kind of thought that a triad was the main way of doing poly. At least, I thought, poly-fi was the only way of doing poly. Looking back I know now that I definitely was practicing some decent poly with Jack and Leda, even though I didnít think it was poly at the time.

Mistakes 1 and 2: cheating and not getting rules up front. I did cheat again since then and Iíll tell that horror story sometime. I havenít ever made the second mistake again. Successful lesson learned!
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Old 04-28-2014, 10:12 PM
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Sounds like a good thing you had going there with Leda and Jack. Curious to find out how that all turned out.
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