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  #1  
Old 09-14-2013, 01:40 AM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Default Holy crap... I have two husbands... when did that happen.

I figured I would try my hand at bloging.. But I warn everyone now my life is pretty boring.

It has been 18 months since Murf came into my life. Today it hit me... I have two husbands. When in the hell did that happen. It was pointed out me today after Murf called me distraught over the brand new bedliner in his truck is peeling not even a week after it was installed and he needed he to handle it. The truck has less than 500 miles on it. I had it taken care of within 30 minutes . Had both the installer and Line x offering solutions immediately .

This evening when talking to Butch he said was my wifely duty...I answered... "What are you talking about. He went to list all the above and beyond things I have done lately for Murf.

I translate the cryptic legalese filled letters from his employer, investment , etc. I help make financial decisions for him. Call and make appointments. Clean his house ,cook..I can go on.

Butch is right I have a second husband. I go to him with everything too along with Butch. His opinion means just as much.

This blog will be a chronicle of my so called poly life.
__________________
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.

Last edited by Dagferi; 09-14-2013 at 01:46 AM.
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  #2  
Old 09-15-2013, 02:07 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Right now Butch disgusts me.

His work schedule sucks. So does Murf's but Butch's is worse. Only once every 6 weeks do Murf and I get a weekend alone without the kids. Yesterday Butch says oh next weekend I am going out. I asked if it was Thursday. Murf is working that day. He answers with no during the weekend. I remind him I have plans. I get told tough shit.

I do not care if he goes out. I have an issue with the lack of respect for me (an on going issue) and for long standing agreement between Butch and I.

I am so over his passive aggressive bs.
__________________
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #3  
Old 09-20-2013, 12:09 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Spending the weekend solo with Murf.

Going to enjoy some quality time.
__________________
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #4  
Old 09-23-2013, 07:33 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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I am at home 1 after a long weekend at home 2 with Murf.

Still feeling a huge disconnect with Butch. I do not know how to fix it. Or if it is fixable. But we are not hostile or fighting so that is good.

My weekend away was a bit of a roller coaster. Murf wanted to get the new engine into his Camaro. It didn't go as planned. But we reconnected after a rough day Friday and my avoiding him Saturday due to his temper which was directed at the car not me. But I have habit of taking little comments he makes too personal . We reconnected though and everything is good.

I admit I miss him already. I am an INTJ personality. I have never been like this over any man. Especially not after 18 months. I usually get bored and move on.
__________________
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #5  
Old 09-26-2013, 12:55 AM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Trying to wrap up some menial household chores. Going to go spend the night with Murf after Butch gets home. I won't get there till after midnight but will stay tomorrow until early afternoon.

Tomorrow night I have a shift at the local vet er. Will be nice to work in my field again.
__________________
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #6  
Old 09-26-2013, 06:55 PM
Cherub Cherub is offline
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Hello Dagferi,

I hope that all is or will soon be going well for you (all) – and especially in the vet er.

If I may so bold as to ask, did your revelation of now having two husbands truly come as a surprise or was this something that you desired or at least considered as a possibility? If not, did you have other expectations where your relationships were headed?

How is the dynamic between your two guys? Do they get along well, have similar personalities, etc?

Is it possible that your husband is in some ways troubled by your time with your new guy and may this be the root of the scheduling complications?

This is a significant aspect that I’m concerned about with my wife’s interest in finding a bf. I truly enjoy her presence and miss her when she’s not there when I return. If she ends up spending “too much” time with her new guy, and I felt neglected or like someone boring and stale, I might respond if in a negative mood by making things more difficult for her to be away or be more withdraw if feeling self-conscious – at least until the time was right to tell her what was really bothering me. I don’t know how your Butch would respond if he had similar feelings, but possibly he might have similar feelings and reactions?

Respectfully,
-Cherub
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Old 09-26-2013, 07:31 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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It truly did hit me as a surprise it was a subtitle change in dynamic between Murf and myself. I totally missed it...lol. I am apart of Murf's major life decisions. And he is consulted on mine. For example 401K issues, new truck purchase, change in cell phone plan, expenditures for the house.Last year when Murf told me he loved me and he was planning on keeping me and I too knew he was a keeper it crossed my mind that I could see myself married to Murf. But Murf is an independent type who never needed anyone to take care of him. He has changed. Honestly when we started I just enjoyed whatever came my way. It has grown way beyond what I thought possible. I do not fall in love easily this man has knocked me for a loop.

My guys are friendly but not super chummy. We all attend kid events together. Spend holidays partially together. Occasionally Murf will come see me here but only if that is the only way we can see each other. They both have some similarities both are good men. Strong enough to take me on. (I am a bit strong willed) Physically they are different. Butch is 6ft blond haired blue eyed.very Nordic looking. Murf is 5'6" brown hair and eyes my spunky Irishman.

Our scheduling issue is because Murf works 12 hour midnights. 6am to 6pm. With rotating days off. Butch works 3-11pm 7 days straight with 2 days off then 8 with 4 days off. I work 11pm to 7am in an emergency vet clinic.

If you look at my post titled at a cross roads you will see my history and issues with Butch.
__________________
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #8  
Old 09-27-2013, 06:20 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Had an ok day with Butch. Things were going well recently with him respecting my boundaries. Today not so much. Started the morning with him requesting some sort of fetish play or etc for doing household duties.

I came home from work tired and nauseated after work from a migraine. Just needed him to get the boys off to school. That's it.

He just doesn't get that Bdsm, his fetish crap and etc makes me feel dirty used down right sick to my stomach. It has been over 12 years and my feelings haven't changed. He gets upset that we don't have intimacy on any level like I do with Murf. Sorry dude you destroyed my trust in you years ago when you disrespected my feelings. Long before Murf ever fell into my life.

Work was sooooooo slow last night. But that isn't a bad thing since we are an emergency center. He is picking up overtime on Tuesday. I understand why but it does suck.

I won't probably get to see Murf until next weekend.
__________________
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #9  
Old 09-27-2013, 07:52 PM
Cherub Cherub is offline
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Dagferi, could you please let me know where to find the post you referred to “At a Cross Roads”?

I found an older blog post but with a different title.

Sorry to hear that you weren’t feeling well after your shift, and especially that your trust in Butch had been long broken and that this continues to so affect you both. Hoping things improve for each of you soon.

Also hoping to learn what pitfalls to avoid before anything develops with my wife. Thankfully she’s taking things slowly, which suits me fine.

Sincerely,
-Cherub
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  #10  
Old 09-28-2013, 06:16 PM
monkeystyle monkeystyle is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
Had an ok day with Butch. Things were going well recently with him respecting my boundaries. Today not so much. Started the morning with him requesting some sort of fetish play or etc for doing household duties.

I came home from work tired and nauseated after work from a migraine. Just needed him to get the boys off to school. That's it.

He just doesn't get that Bdsm, his fetish crap and etc makes me feel dirty used down right sick to my stomach. It has been over 12 years and my feelings haven't changed. He gets upset that we don't have intimacy on any level like I do with Murf. Sorry dude you destroyed my trust in you years ago when you disrespected my feelings. Long before Murf ever fell into my life.

Work was sooooooo slow last night. But that isn't a bad thing since we are an emergency center. He is picking up overtime on Tuesday. I understand why but it does suck.

I won't probably get to see Murf until next weekend.
Why are you still married and living with him if you feel and think this way? Convenience/kids thing?
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