Hello all!

I’m a young 50’s female in a FFM closed triad relationship. I have been with my husband for 30+ years. We have been with our female partner for 4+ years and in an exclusive relationship....closed triad. We are like-minded and are moving toward living in a single household. We live in a smaller rural community and are only out to two people and waiting until our youngest children are a little older before “coming out”. Our kids only know of a friendship between us and everyone gets along really well, actually very close, just like one big happy family. I’m looking to develop friendships with poly people in similar situations.

Hi and welcome to the forum. Believe it or not, your configuration of a closed FFM triad is pretty rare. I hope you can stick around and offer some insight into how it works for you. I was the M in that configuration many moons ago but it didn't work out well.

Greetings FFMClosedTriad,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you have a really good triad relationship, I hope the three of you will continue to grow closer, and move closer to your goal of all three living together, and coming out. I am in a MFM V, and would be happy to be your friend. I'm glad you could join us!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

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Welcome aboard!

Hello vinsanity and kdt. It’s a pleasure to meet you. To be honest I never thought we were going to find someone like her who shared the same goals and desires as we do. We looked for at least six years by putting out ads, messaging, talking on the phone, even met a couple of them. Everyone wanted one night stands, friends with benefits situations, swinging or just dating casually without making a real commitment (meaning they wanted to date whoever they wanted to, along with us). Luckily she wasn’t like that. It is moving forward nicely, but if I have to admit, not as fast as I would like. I don’t mean there’s anything wrong with how it is progressing, but when I first imagined a relationship like this I always thought about us living together a lot sooner. But when you take school-age kids into account, things have to progress a little differently. We are going to wait another three or four years before moving to that if all goes as planned. He did live almost two hours away in a neighboring state, but we bought some land and a home last year close by so they won’t be so far away. Now we see her (and the kids) several times a week so that is so nice. I’m not saying there haven’t been issues and obstacles to sort through, but we are all now in a very happy place. Even though I am the one who initially suggested this type of relationship it evokes feelings and emotions in me that I never imagined it would. It’s actually a lot to take on a poly relationship of any kind and lots of compromises and adjustments have to be made.

Vinsanity, I’m sorry your relationship didn’t work out and I hope you find the type of relationship you want.

Kdt, I’m glad to hear you are in a good relationship and I hope it continues that way. When you say V, I assume that you and another man both date the same woman. Sort of like brother husbands. Lol. Do you all live together?

Oh thanks, but that was back in 1992. It wasn't something my girlfriend at the time and I were seeking out. It just happened. The reason it didn't work out was because she was a very jealous person. She didn't want the new girl and I having sex without her there. New girl (and I) wanted us all to be able to sleep with each other separately with the occasional threesome. Since then I have found I prefer a more solo poly lifestyle.

FFMClosedTriad said:

I never thought we were going to find someone like her, who shared the same goals and desires as we do.

We looked for at least six years, by putting out ads, messaging, talking on the phone. We even met a couple of them. Everyone wanted one night stands, friends with benefits situations, swinging, or just dating casually without making a real commitment (meaning they wanted to date whoever they wanted to, along with us).

Luckily, she wasn’t like that. It is moving forward nicely, but if I have to admit, not as fast as I would like. I don’t mean there’s anything wrong with how it is progressing, but when I first imagined a relationship like this, I always thought about us living together a lot sooner.

But when you take school-age kids into account, things have to progress a little differently. We are going to wait another three or four years before moving to that, if all goes as planned. He did live almost two hours away in a neighboring state, but we bought some land and a home last year close by so they won’t be so far away.

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Do you mean "she" lived 2 hours away? And so you and your husband (who needs a nickname) moved to a different state and bought land to be near your unicorn (who needs a nickname) and her kids?

I guess you don't all want to live together, since people would talk. And the kids would need to have it explained to them, and maybe then they'd talk at school about how mom and dad share a gf. Then worries about bigamy might crop up in your small conservative neighborhood, and you and your husband and the gf might all have your fitness as parents questioned, and there might be custody battles?

Now we see her (and the kids) several times a week, so that is so nice. I’m not saying there haven’t been issues and obstacles to sort through, but we are all now in a very happy place. Even though I am the one who initially suggested this type of relationship, it evokes feelings and emotions in me that I never imagined it would.

Click to expand...

I am wondering what the feelings are.

It’s actually a lot to take on a poly relationship of any kind, and lots of compromises and adjustments have to be made.

Click to expand...

Yes, that is why triads and quads are so hard. They are made up of 3 Vs.

You+husband
You+gf
Husband+gf

And then on top of that, is a 3 way relationship.

Each dyad needs to be nurtured individually. Not everything can be done as 3. I am sure you've come to understand that over the years.

By the way, we like to ask our new members if they would please give nicknames to their partners and metamours. I guess we can call you FFM, but what should we call "husband" and "girlfriend"? Will they be posting too, or is this account just for you? We suggest each individual have their own account. But if you insist on sharing, each individual should sign their posts with their own (nick)name.

Welcome to the board!

Re (from FFMClosedTriad):

"KDT, I'm glad to hear you are in a good relationship and I hope it continues that way. When you say V, I assume that you and another man both date the same woman. Sort of like brother-husbands. LOL. Do you all live together?"

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Yes, we all live together, although I have my own bedroom, with an attached bath. You are exactly right, we are like two brother-husbands, with one wife. We are a closed V, dating outside our V is possible but unlikely, and there would be a lot of stipulations. It's almost like we are a monogamous married couple but with three people, if that makes sense.

FFMClosedTriad said:

I’m a young 50’s female in a FFM closed triad relationship. I have been with my husband for 30+ years. We have been with our female partner for 4+ years and in an exclusive relationship....closed triad. We are like-minded and are moving toward living in a single household. We live in a smaller rural community and are only out to two people and waiting until our youngest children are a little older before “coming out”. Our kids only know of a friendship between us and everyone gets along really well, actually very close, just like one big happy family. I’m looking to develop friendships with poly people in similar situations.

Click to expand...

Hi FFMCT!

I'm seeking a similar thing myself at the moment and getting crucified on this forum by a few individual telling me it's impossible. I don't have children at home and your thread has given me incredible inspiration that it can be found with patience, communication and hard work , thank you!

Welcome

Welcome to the forum. This journey is awesome. I would not trade it for anything. It sounds like you have a fantastic connection. Best wishes