Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

I had a talk last night with PunkRock about my issue about him not wanting to grab and fuck me all the time. I think he was sad and a little exasperated too. He said he can't get to that level of tear-her-clothes-off-now need because I keep him taken care of all the time. He said he desires me, but he's not as insatiable as I am, because he's well, sated.

Sigh. He makes perfect sense. I'm a little jealous sometimes of both my guys, because they can have the calm peacefulness of not being horny. I hope to be able to achieve that at some point, but I am still at a loss of how to get there.

I feel fabulous today though - DarkKnight and I went to lunch and now we are waiting for Age of Ultron to start. I bought him tickets for his birthday, which is next weekend. PunkRock took my daughter to her friend's house while we're out, and then he plans to paint and do laundry or some other household stuff.

It's pretty great how we all balance each other when it comes to our lives. I just need to find a way to calm my sex drive...

Yay! Made it to NY with no issues. It was a beautiful day and my new-to-me car did great on its first long distance drive.

DarkKnight is being soooo sweet to me! I love being alone with him - he's all snugly and smiley and he just makes me happy. We ordered in Mark's Pizza & wings for dinner and we're hanging out in the hotel room the rest of the evening. We were both all squee when we realized that the Hampton has HBO! Game of Thrones is tonight at 9 pm! W00t!

Game of Thrones FTW.

Re (from Bluebird):

"I'm a little jealous sometimes of both my guys, because they can have the calm peacefulness of not being horny. I hope to be able to achieve that at some point, but I am still at a loss of how to get there."

Click to expand...

You understand, of course, that having a more abundant libido isn't a character defect, right? In any dyad, one person's bound to be the one who wants it more often. A dyad with perfectly-matched libidos would be rare.

That's not to say there's nothing strategic to be gained from slowing your sex drive, and I know most SSRI's will have that effect, so that's something to consider if your doctor's willing to prescribe something like that.

Sometimes I think it is a defect, other times I am fine. Sigh. I don't think I'd ever go as far to medicate though.

Well, I am in NY this week with DarkKnight. He had training to do for work so I came up with him to see my friends and family, and to finally spread my dad's ashes. I did that today. I had a ceremony to read and it went rather well. It was gorgeous out, thank goodness. My brother took the ashes down into the lake and poured them in a semi-circle, where they mingled with a ton of yellow flowers we had placed into the canister. My mom was there, of course, along with my sister, my eldest daughter and my uncle.

My uncle had to go, but the rest of us went to lunch afterward. My sister was very dismissive of anything I said, I felt, so I didn't mention much that was going on in my life. I am spending the night at my mom's and she's asked me plenty about stuff so I am ok with it. Though she did tell me my sister is convinced that PunkRock is gay. I was like, whatever. Not that it would matter in the least, but he most definitely isn't. I think my sister is just trying to shovel shit on my relationships since hers is so terrible. I don't let it bother me though.

Bluebird said:

... I think my sister is just trying to shovel shit on my relationships since hers is so terrible. I don't let it bother me though.

Click to expand...

Sour grapes.

I mentioned you in my blog here the other day (fairly convinced that you wouldn't mind). I don't know why but I am strangely excited by your preparations for your ceremony with PunkRock. (Gets me all nostalgic about my wedding to MrS, maybe?)

Nah, I don't mind. I'm excited about it too! Actually, PunkRock posted on my Facebook page this morning "I love my beautiful wife to be! 14 days to go!" I was all squee and stuff.

Re (from Post #804):

"I don't think I'd ever go as far as to medicate though."

Click to expand...

Hmmm. Is hypnotism something you'd consider? I haven't tried it but I've heard it can work wonders.

Glad to hear the spreading of the ashes went well. Sorry to hear that your sister was being a jerk.

Ooh I second hypnotism! I did it for weight loss, and was really skeptical, but I paid high price for a sought after hypnotist, not those CDs or just anyone with out any qualifications...and it worked very well for me. 2 years in and I have successfully kept off weight and continue to lose to a healthy natural size. When I do stop losing weight and plateau, it doesn't balloon back up like it used to. So yeah i definitely thing a Good hypnotherapist helped me. The nice thing about it is I read the script before he hypnotised me, and it was things like preserving with finding the right type of weight loss method and workouts for me, and keeping a positive attitude about the journey etc. not just, you're magically cured hurrah. Lol

I am not looking to be hypnotized either, but that is a good suggestion. Thanks peeps!

I have been cracking out the last few days on ancestry.com. My mom is really excited about it and I wish she had a computer to follow along with what I am doing. I'm calling her a lot to verify things and she is loving it.

I am worried about my mom still - she is very anxious and lonely and worried about her living situation. She is like me and doesn't do well alone. She really wants out of the apartment that she lives in, but doesn't want to switch to one in the same building, because she has a view of the daycare across the road and gets to see the kids on the playground during the day. Other apartments do not share that view. However, she says she can't get over seeing my dad everywhere inside and is having a difficult time of it.

The thought was always she would live with her younger sister, but she is balking at that right now. My own sister is taking my mom down to Florida in July to visit everyone, which is awesome. Dueing the week or so they are down there, my mom will stay with her sister and nail down whether it is possible or not for her to move in.

My sister is apparently also in the process of buying a house and she is adamant that my mom live with her. My mom is hesitant because my sister and her husband fight constantly. It think the stress and anxiety of that situation would be unhealthy for her. Also, in both situations, her cat would not be able to come along with her, and my mom really needs her cat.

My house is still an option but I am selfishly hoping that one of these other options works out.

I believe that what my mom is really lacking right now is some direction. She watches TV all day and is on the phone nonstop. She needs to quit with distractions and decide what to DO with her life she is 63, I think. She is healthy and strong and most likely has 20+ years to live. She doesn't have any plans.

She needs to get a computer and learn how to use it!

I am heading back to Maryland today with DarkKnight. I need a vacation from this trip! It's been very nerve wracking for me. I miss my daughter and I miss PunkRock. My daughter apparently has been having a good week - she had a sleepover, went roller skating, saw the Avengers movie, played board games with friends another day and yesterday she went to the shooting range with PunkRock to finally use her birthday gun for the first time. I hope she found time to do some school work in there!

Oh! Did I write about her entering a Mother's Day contest? The grand prize was a massage, a facial, a pedicure & manicure, a cut and color and a makeup transformation. To enter, you had to write just 50 words on why your mom deserves a rock star makeover. Well, my daughter didn't win the grand prize, but she received an email that she won me a free manicure! I am proud of her and excited to go get my nails done. It's funny though because I would choose absolutely any of the other services before having a manicure done. It's just not me! I do think it'll look pretty great for the wedding though. Anyway, here is the blurb she wrote:

My mom adopted me when I was 10. She quit her job to homeschool me when the public school said I couldn't learn. Now I’m starting my senior year at grade level. My mom deserves a makeover because now that I'm rocking it, it's her turn to be the star!

Re:

"My mom adopted me when I was 10. She quit her job to homeschool me when the public school said I couldn't learn. Now I'm starting my senior year at grade level. My mom deserves a makeover because now that I'm rocking it, it's her turn to be the star!"

Click to expand...

That's cool.

Awwwwwww...

OMG guys! In a week I'll be leaving to go get married! Our wedding is on Tuesday, but we are heading down to the location the day before to scope everything out. Squeeeee!

I am seriously freaking out. I know some naysayers would comment that this is not even real, but in my heart it honestly is, and I am so psyched up to marry my guy! Fuck you government, for not supporting my life choices. It's my life, my love and I am totally going to declare my promises without your approval!

That said, oh shit I have so much to do! I still have one handfasting cord to construct, I need to get a Skype session in with our officiant, my veil still needs a new flower, PunkRock hasn't bought his shoes yet and his pants haven't even been dropped off to go get hemmed! We need to buy balloons too. Oh! And since my daughter won me that free manicure, I am going to schedule that as well. I need to get an appointment this week for hair ideas - I seriously have no clue what to do with my head! I did color it yesterday, so it is at least decent. Lol

Screw what the government thinks. Marriage is the bond and commitment between two people not some stupid piece of paper.

Murf is just as much my husband as Butch.

Word.

Today has been crazy. I have been spending sooooo much time on ancestry.com and finding out all sorts of interesting tidbits! Anyway, this morning I spent a good two hours researching, and I was seriously all set to close up my laptop, when I got a message asking me about scheduling my biology class in the Fall. I ended up dropping everything and nailing down dates and times, and spent about 3 hours fielding messages and replies. The upside is that I am going to be making some cash this time around and I have 9 students confirmed. I have one that I am still waiting to hear back from. I had to split the class into two sessions, which is what happened with Chemistry a while back. I'll have 6 kids on Tuesday mornings 9-12 and 3/4 on Tuesday afternoons from 1-4. 14 weeks of science! I'm excited!

But, all the planning was, well, unplanned. I was hoping to get that done when I came back from my honeymoon but instead it was this morning. Then I had to take my daughter to her Running Club, and I took the wrong exit out of the park. I rolled with it and went down to where PunkRock works, and found him all hot and sweaty, and convinced him to show me his idea for decorating where we are saying our vows. I ended up buying a 6 pack of 6-foot bamboo poles. WE're going to stick them in the ground all around the edge of the dock, and tie balloons that match our color scheme at the top. We just need something to frame out the space, and I think these are going to work wonderfully.

After kissing him goodbye, I went to the grocery store and picked up dinner (kielbasa fried up with onions and green peppers, piled on top of egg noodles with sugar snap peas). Then I picked up my carebear (my daughter) and came home to do more ancestry research until DarkKnight gets off work. I just realized that's in like 10 minutes. lol

So, yeah, today is craycray! PunkRock and I have a date night tonight, but I think DarkKnight is going to crash it and we're all going to watch Into the Woods (which DarkKnight saw in the theater and just got the DVD for his birthday) or Monster's Ball (which has been sitting on my TV stand for at least 4 months and needs to get back to Netflix ASAP). I have a Skype consultation with our wedding officiant at 8:30 pm though to talk about the ceremony wording.

Yesterday was craycray. I can't get this week to behave itself! I spent the entire morning fielding questions about my Biology class, and sending files everywhere. The good news is that my two classes are completely full now, AND I have a waiting list. This is crazy to me, because when I started offering lab courses out of my home 3 years ago, I only had 3 students, and one of them was my daughter. Apparently, word has spread.

Anyway, after my morning chaos, I had my daughter get some drive time in by taking me to the grocery store. When I arrived, I realized no one had made a list of anything other than absolute essentials (water, milk, cat litter). So, I had to just wing it, and just purchased dinner for 2 days. This means I am going to have to go back again this week - when, I have no idea. While in the store, I fielded 3 messages and 2 phone calls about my class. The cashier was super slow, the checkout line was a mile long, and I ended up ditching my daughter to pay while I stepped outside to do some callbacks that were time sensitive.

We ran more errands after unloading it all at home, including buying supplies for today's Field Day event, and purchasing balloons for my wedding. I am hoping to build at least 2 balloon columns to place on either side of the dock where we are getting married, to frame out the space. Nothing too crazy. I bought six 6-foot bamboo poles at Lowes the other day for less than $4, which I hope will work as a base. I may end up scratching the idea if I run out of time the morning of the wedding, but we will see. The balloons came to like $25.

After errands, I had to make 72 ham & swiss sandwiches on Kings Hawaiian Rolls - for dinner, for Field Day snacks today, and DarkKnight had a potluck party to attend last night. My feet were hurting by the time I was finished! DarkKnight joined me so it did go faster with his extra set of hands.

I left after eating to go play trivia with my friends. I haven't been but once or twice this season and it felt good to be out. That said, the pub crawl is in two weeks - which I won't be attending - and the finals are on June 7, which none of us are going to because one of our members is having her son graduate and that is his party day, and we are all attending. So now I dont feel so bad for being missing all season.

I crawled into bed around 11 pm last night, talked to PunkRock for a half hour or so and then we both went to sleep. It was a busy day!

This morning he left early to take his new suit pants to be hemmed - they will be ready on Saturday, apparently. I am glad! We still have to get out and buy him new shoes. (Since he already owns a pair of Converse sneakers, he was able to be measured correctly for his suit.) Both he and DarkKnight are working overtime tonight, but that's ok, as after having just spent 2 hours organizing my Bio curriculum and as I will be in Shepardstown at Field Day the rest of the time today, I will need to recharge when I get home and focus on getting some housework finished. I still haven't done a lick of work on my veil or handfasting cords and I need to make an appointment with a stylist to show me some tips on how to do my hair myself next Tuesday!

OMG I got my period!!!! It's a few days early and I am SO HAPPY! It was scheduled to come this weekend, which meant I could have been stuck with it on my wedding day. Now it's sure to be all over by then! Whoo hoo! I am so stupidly smiley right now!

I should know by now that whenever I seem to be heading up, up, up that a big crash is coming. I have had a crappy last couple of days. Well, not all crappy, but I've been extra sensitive to things because of my period, as always. I haven't had sex with PunkRock since I returned from NY - 5 days - and its throwing me for a loop. I've told him this the last two days, but there's been nothing. Actually, I am still horny and wanting him every single day, but he's been working lots of overtime and coming home exhausted.

He knows that when we don't connect on a physical level, I fall to pieces. Yet, nothing. Yesterday morning I told him I was having difficulties and he "promised" we'd be together in the evening. I was having a really busy day but was still happy and excited that we were finally going to get together, even though it wasn't our sleepover night. He brought me home this huge arrangement of outdoor flowers for the front porch that were absolutely gorgeous. Then, we spent our entire date night organizing the kitchen, which I had been talking about doing all day.

DarkKnight was working overtime until 10:30, so when he got off of work, he came and kissed me and said he would see me upstairs later. I want sitting at the dining room table, still really happy about finally being with PunkRock, because he had brought me these beautiful flowers and then spent the evening working side by side with me. I felt really close to him, you know? Then, he kissed me and said he was going to bed because he was tired, and left me sitting there.

I was completely dumbstruck. I went upstairs and cried for a bit, and DarkKnight urged me to message PunkRock. So I did, and I told him how rejected I felt, again. I really was feeling like I didn't want to have yet another conversation about how I need to physically connect with a partner more than once every 3 days. Like, that's my MINIMUM. Both my guys know this. I felt like I was back to square one, when I was still dating M. And him just not GETTING it. Or totally getting it and just not caring.

PunkRock apologized and said he was tired but I could come downstairs if I wanted to. I absolutely did not want to at that point. I don't want pity sex. Ever. I told him instead to go to sleep and then come kiss me in the morning.

Which he did, but I felt more distanced from him sexually than ever. I did end up texting him later that morning and we met up around 1:30-2:00 for lunch. I picked him up and we are. He didn't kiss me and I felt really out of sorts and uncomfortable and confused really. I rubbed his leg with mine but he didn't really react. When we went to leave I asked him to please kiss me and then he did, with much silliness and his old self. I felt slightly better.

He came home from work tonight and gave me a big hug in the kitchen and told me that he loved me so very much and that he only wants me happy. I told him I absolutely believe that, I have zero doubt he loves me. What I feel right now is that he doesn't desire me, that I am not attractive to him. He said that's not true at all, he's just been tired.

I wanted to start crying but then dinner was ready, and then he had to leave to take my daughter to the shooting range. It's supposed to be our sleepover night so we will have time to reconnect later. I know I am reacting to things more intensely because of my period, and it has helped a lot to be able to recognize that and label it. It's not like this hasn't happened before. It's just that I have such an intense need for that physical contact. Maybe it's too much, but no sex with him for 5 days? I can't handle that. It makes me weird, even without the monthly hormones fucking with my brain.

Sigh. Other that that, I have had a good day. Busy again, but good. I took my son to the MVA first thing this morning and he now has plates on his car and we applied for the new title. When we got back, we sat and worked out his finances for the rest of the summer. So that made him happy and I felt good about helping him. I also did something I'd never done before today - I did my grocery shopping online! The local store has started doing person shopping - and it's free if you buy $150 or more of groceries. Lower totals are charged $2.95. So I loaded up a virtual cart and ordered through until the end of next week. DarkKnight and I are leaving right now to pick it all up - apparently they have a special parking spot and they load up your car. I already paid via PayPal. Holy hell, if this works I will use it all the time!

How old is Punkrock?

I'm just going to tell you my personal experience and say that it doesn't work the way it used to. No matter how turned on by my partner there are times that I just don't feel it. I've also found that it's easier to nip it in the bud beforehand then to get to the sex part and it not respond. As much as the women says it's okay when you can't get it up it's never really okay and they do take it personally. Has he ever not been able to perform with you? If so there is a chance that he's trying to avoid that again and just won't engage at all if he thinks there is a chance that that will happen. For a guy once we get that thought in our heads it's really hard to get it out.

Bluebird... First of all hugs. Been in your shoes myself.

When Murf and i first got together we went at it like rabbits. The first months we were having sex multiple times a day when we were together. We now have sex 2-3 times a week. I used to cry myself to sleep thinking there was something wrong with me when he would fall asleep instead of wanting me.

Honey he is 40 something. Most 40 something yo men are not going to keep up with you long term. Focus on quality over quantity. Realize that he is tired.

I know, I know. He is on medication that sometimes effects his libido too. He changed the timing of taking it, earlier in our relationship, so it's not so much an issue. I don't feel at all he is trying to avoid disappointing me. It's difficult to disappoint me, because I orgasm very quickly. I am sad when a partner can't finish, but it isn't the end of the world. I believe he is just tired. Sometimes - especially when amped up on period hormones - it's difficult to remember that.

Things are all better now - we talked and snuggled and had some sexual play last night.

Let's see, I got to finally talk on the phone with our officiant and it went rather well. She sent me a file with our marriage ceremony all written up and it's wonderful! I'll post it after things are all done. PunkRock and I will exchange rings, say personal vows and do the handfasting. Squeeeee!

I finished writing up the vows I wrote to PunkRock. I think he is freaking out now because he hasn't written his yet. I have to try and carve him some time in the schedule to do that. lol

Today I received an email from the people we are renting the location from, with directions, gate codes and such. This is all really happening!

This weekend is jammed full too! Tomorrow morning PunkRock and I are taking an adult coloring class. That's like coloring books with fancy mandalas and drawings and such. Then, we're meeting up with DarkKnight and my daughter at Hagerstown Hopes, which is the annual gay pride event in town. We have a lot of friends at booths and such, so we want to make sure to visit. Then, DarkKnight and my daughter have to attend the final night of the play they are in together, so PunkRock and I are going to go see Mad Max at the movies. I already ordered the tickets, and I am really psyched about it.