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  #41  
Old 03-19-2014, 12:09 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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You would love it here. It is not good if you do not want to gain weight, but I am in foodie heaven. I could not pass up KK today. I will burn them off at some point.

My daughter would flip if I moved anyone in. She has made it clear that she does not need any more parents, and I want to avoid another French freak out. I applaud those parents who can do it successfully.

Parenting is stressful. This week we are dealing with our youngest daughter having meltdowns about a loose tooth, and she had an unrelated nightmare, so she is sleeping in our room.

I think cohabitation would still be a bust with or without children in my case. Personalities and living styles clashed. Neat freak vs. Unorganised/creative clutter = bound to fail.
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  #42  
Old 03-19-2014, 01:42 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluebird View Post
I have never heard that saying, "First year forming, second year storming, third year norming." To be honest, I haven't had that experience with my other live-in relationships, but I will keep it in mind. Certainly I've only had two - my ex-husband who I was with for 12 years, and my current husband of 8 years - so I am by no means a pro at this! lol I will definitely keep it in mind.
I've never heard that saying either, but it sure rings true for me! I had that with my ex h, way back in the mid 70s. The "forming" NRE was amazing, but the 2nd year of storming was accomplished by me capitulating to monogamy when I really shouldn't have. Normal consisted of unspoken words and hiding things to "protect each other." No more! 2nd year of norming with my current 2 partners was completed with thorough openness and transparency. Not easy, but it makes that "norm" so much nicer and more real.

Quote:
Did you have a lot of issues surrounding spillover noise from bedrooms? You mentioned you could hear your metamour outside your door during sex, that sounds awkward!
I know a lot of people struggle with hearing their partners have sex. I am lucky in that miss pixi finds it either a turn on or just sweet to hear me having sex with others. I've never heard her having sex as she hasn't had lovers over for sex. I did sit next to her former bf on his couch once, and he pulled her onto his lap. At one point, he bit her shoulder, and she squeaked, and later we saw she had a big bite mark. That was kind of weird, to know he'd given her that love bite as we sat around in the living room with his other gf and also a platonic friend of theirs. But I got over it.

I would hope that if miss pixi ever gets another partner who is comfortable with having sex with her with me in the house, I will find it either sweet or a pleasant turn on like she does... knowing me however, I will get jealous, struggle with it some, but get over it. It would help if she would come to me after her other partner is either fulfilled, or gone, and take care of me sexually. That is what I do with her usually.

edit: she does have sex with Ginger, my bf. I have heard and seen that! Sometimes I am involved, sometimes not. Ginger always takes care of me if I am around when he's also kissing, cuddling or sexing her, if I indicate I want it. Oddly I feel a little more strange when they have sex when I am NOT home!

Kevin, does Lovebunny only have sex with B-H when you're out, or are you OK knowing they are sexing when you're home?
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me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37

Last edited by Magdlyn; 03-19-2014 at 01:46 PM.
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  #43  
Old 03-19-2014, 04:19 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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I gotta say, I'm with Brother-Husband on this one. (Like the nickname btw!) I'm not an exhibitionist or a voyeur so seeing/hearing does zip for me. This is one reason why I am unsure if I will ever cohabitate with a partner again. I'm pretty happy with Whip getting his sexy times on with his other partner at her place and not having to hear or see any of that.
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  #44  
Old 03-19-2014, 11:28 PM
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Re (from Magdlyn):
Quote:
"Kevin, does Snowbunny only have sex with B-H when you're out, or are you okay knowing they are sexing when you're home?"
I think that in theory I'd be fine with knowing they were sexing when I was home. Heh, and I'm at home enough that I have to conclude that they do just that. It must not be very loud though, and my bedroom (the room I'm in like 99% of the time) is at the opposite side of the apartment (seems like a house to me).

Their sex life is a bit mysterious in a way. B-H doesn't get in the mood for it very often. From what I hear, they only have sex a few times a year. Who knows when these rare encounters occur? Could easily be while I'm asleep.

Snowbunny (S-B? ) tells me she doesn't get much out of her sex with B-H. Something like a 25% chance of an orgasm for her per encounter. I guess you could say she was less than satisfied before I was brought into the picture. Point is, I'm guessing she doesn't get nearly as vocal with him as she does with me. Which sounds like I'm bragging, but I'm just saying, I'll bet that's (one reason) why I never hear anything.

Not that he's not missing out in his own way. He has certain fetishes that are not her cup of tea and therefore she doesn't really encourage and indulge him like he probably wishes she would. So while he doesn't seem to be in the Fifth Layer of Hell over it, it's probably at least one reason why his libido doesn't roll very fast. From what she's told me, I don't imagine their encounters last very long, and they probably aren't much of a production.

[shrug] Which isn't the end of the world, and in fact is one example (in my perspective) of one of polyamory's key benefits. Okay, so he doesn't provide eye-rolling sex. What he does provide is a very soft-spoken, even temperament. You know, a guy without those pesky little flaws such as BDP and PTSD? I guess if this were "The Year without a Santa Claus," he'd be the Snow Miser and I'd be the Heat Miser.

When we first hooked up as a V, we had a few tentative conversations about the possibility of threesomes. I don't suppose any of us would rule that out, but wow what a proposition. Personally, I think I'd be too self-conscious to be able to get it up, but I suppose I shouldn't knock it til I've tried it. It's just that we've become so comfortable with our routines ...

Hey Ry, what's the difference between a French freak out and a regular freak out? I have to ask, I'm a curious man.
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  #45  
Old 03-25-2014, 11:12 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Default Why Mormons Leave the Church

I want to add a YouTube link here: Why Committed Mormons Leave the Church, by John P. Dehlin. I feel that before people can understand my personal story of how I came to leave the church, they have to understand the general story of how many others have (and will) come to leave the church. Dehlin's presentation accomplishes this and is so well done that I hope you'll watch it and share your thoughts with me.

It's not a short presentation; it takes about an hour to view it. But if you have an hour to spare, you may find it to be interesting, moving, and well worth your while.

The phenomenon of recent departures from the Mormon church reflects a change in churches worldwide. Secrets are not so easily kept now that we have the internet, and the Mormon church has suffered losses for trying to keep its secrets. Each new generation seems to be considerably more liberal and open-minded than the generation preceding, and many churches are thinking about loosening their doctrines and restrictions; they have to if they want to change, adapt, and survive. I even think the Catholic Church's current choice of Pope reflects this phenomenon.

If the Mormon church doesn't come to grips with the growing reality, it may find that its foundations will start to crumble. Apostates in the past have been contemptuously dismissed as unimportant. "Go ahead and leave, we don't care, we don't need you anyway." I feel like that's what happened to me. But apostasy is no longer a freak occurrence, and the church is largely underestimating the quality as well as the quantity of members that it is losing.

I like this presentation a lot because it doesn't hate on the church (and despite the pain in my past I do not desire to punish the church), even while it cries out for fringe-Mormons and ex-Mormons to receive a more Christlike love and understanding from their faithful-Mormon families and friends.

One of the greatest myths about Mormon apostasy is that apostasy is a sweet, seductive temptation. My own experience (and, as this YouTube video shows, more than a few others' experiences) does not bear this notion out. Leaving the church is the most painful thing I ever did. I wouldn't have done it if I had felt like my personal code of honor had left me any choice in the matter.

Anyway, I hope you'll find it informative and thought-provoking, if you can and choose to watch it. I imagine I'll talk more about my church experiences in this thread as time goes on, but for now it suffices just to say I am willing to answer questions and eager to have dialog.

Just as "Monogamy mythology" must topple in this modern age, so must "Mormon mythology" also topple. I like how one of my Utah friends recently put it: "The church needs to do what it is asking its members to do, recognize past errors, feel remorse, resolve not to repeat the offenses. Come clean, be open and honest and give the sheep something in which they can trust and feel safe."
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  #46  
Old 04-15-2014, 02:25 AM
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Just got done with a great weekend staying over at my brother and sister-in-law's place on Vashon Island. Taking awhile to get caught back up on my internet stuff and whatnot though! and grrr, I get to change *all* of my passwords due to that son-of-a-bitchen internet virus.

Just thought I'd say hi here and let everyone know I'm alive.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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  #47  
Old 04-18-2014, 04:51 PM
Jaudrum Jaudrum is offline
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Wow! so this is your story! i don't think your life sounds boring at all and it's so inspiring to read your V has made it through so many trials, you must all be so close!! And with so many obstacles! As a survivor of child abuse and with a volatile family with a history of a mix of mental health disorders, I feel like you said, it's an extra challenge... we can be proud of where we are even if the road was not always easy

Snowbunny and Brother-Husband sound like lovely people!! And it's so nice to read your always sincere and positive posts
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  #48  
Old 04-18-2014, 06:11 PM
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Thanks.

It has been a long journey, with some wondrous vistas, and some dark chasms. Snowbunny and Brother-Husband are awesome and I always try to behave appreciatively. Regarding forums (such as Polyamory.com), I like having the time to think through my post drafts before publishing them, so that I can contribute something that's positive and sincere. I never want to be a part of a feeding frenzy (or defensive tirade), that's not what I'm about.

Things are relatively mellow in my poly home these days. Thank gods for that.
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Old 04-18-2014, 07:00 PM
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Do you pay a set amount each month toward room/board, or do you share joint accounts? What sort of paperwork - if any - have you drawn up for long term planning?
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  #50  
Old 04-18-2014, 07:47 PM
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Joint accounts. And I leave the details to Snowbunny; she is "the family organizer."

I wouldn't say we have committed to anything on paper (other than things like apartment leases). Our commitment ceremony involved vocal promises only. Nothing was signed.

We have a pretty good trust level and feel very confident that we'll stick together for life. Other than that it's just questions about retirement and places to move (in Washington). Again I leave decisions like that to Snowbunny, merely answering her occasional questions for me. Brother-Husband participates in the group decisions to a certain extent.

We do of course have things like power of attorney drawn up and signed for each other.
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