Greetings from TN

[YouAreHere]

You are the dad - I have to agree with AnneintheRain: you are now entering medical territory and you MUST let him know (directly) that you do not consent. You cannot (in her own words) rely on your wife to do so.

Ugh... So sorry this is happening.

[learninginTN]

Originally Posted by dingedheart

What about medical relevance??? Aren't they really young ..?? 6,7,8


Outside of giving this guy something to do ...giving a free service ...what value is this going to have.???? Seems nuts ...really nuts ...she doesnt like being around them why would she want to drag them off to have something like this done ?

They just turned 5. I have no conviction at all about the benefits of chiropracty, except the knowledge that there's still a lot of debate about such. I have vague memories of being adjusted when I was young, and I have no idea why (my mother is gone and my dad doesn't remember). I haven't had any adjustments since. And I'm not sick a lot, or burdened with any kinds of back or joint pain.

He has convinced her they'll have fewer ear infections if he adjusts them. I have no idea why. She says all the time she wants to introduce him to our children, but I have been resistant to it, and have insisted on being there any time he's around them. And I will not change my stance on that until we're much further along with this relationship, and my physical and emotional needs are being met.

[kdt26417]

[scratching head] 5-year-olds need a chiropractic adjustment to prevent ear infections? That's one of the strangest things I've ever heard. But, I'm not an expert.

I don't blame you for sticking to your guns on this one.

[learninginTN]

Originally Posted by kdt26417

[scratching head] 5-year-olds need a chiropractic adjustment to prevent ear infections? That's one of the strangest things I've ever heard. But, I'm not an expert.

I don't blame you for sticking to your guns on this one.

If you look at the ACA website there is a lot of information about it. But those studies are not well supported, according to the AMA. So, in other words, fans of chiropracty are likely to believe in it, while those who are not are not likely to be swayed.

I don't think it will harm them, even if there are no real benefits. The big thing with me is him being around them and touching them without me being there.

[YouAreHere]

Originally Posted by learninginTN

The big thing with me is him being around them and touching them without me being there.

Thinking about this more, and putting myself in your shoes, another reason I'd have difficulty with this is that, as a doctor (or a Chiro), the line between doctor/patient and mom's BF/authority figure are now blurred. It would make me much more comfortable to keep those lines clear and separate. If they end up having difficulty with mom's BF, it shouldn't be made worse by the fact that he is their chiro.

If she wants the kids to meet him, and you are on-board, would a social setting (one where the kids can choose to keep their distance, if they prefer) be a better compromise? If so, maybe you could offer this instead and give her another option that isn't "I'm going to do it anyway"?

[SNeacail]

Originally Posted by learninginTN

If you look at the ACA website there is a lot of information about it. But those studies are not well supported, according to the AMA. So, in other words, fans of chiropracty are likely to believe in it, while those who are not are not likely to be swayed.

I don't think it will harm them, even if there are no real benefits. The big thing with me is him being around them and touching them without me being there.

Having never been to a chiro, but I imagine it can work similar to the effects of a massage. Every time I get a "good" massage, I can feel the pressure change in my ears and other sinuses areas.

Frankly that's not the issue. Is she pushing because he is pushing or has her brain just shut off in all her sexual excitement? I have a friend who does the most awesome massages, but I wouldn't even dream of having her touch my kids when they don't know each other. It's one thing to see someone on a professional level in their office, it's completely different when the same person is a personal friend, relative or lover.

It's time to talk to both of them, conference call if necessary, and tell him directly that you don't want him touching your girls until you are comfortable with how you see everyone interact.

If it's all about the "adjusting" then a good local pediatric chiro should work. If they resist this idea, then be seriously worried.

[Anneintherain]

Yes, chiropractic adjustments can help stop ear infections in kids, misalignments of the vertebra can tug muscles enough to tilt the angle of the ear canal and contribute to chronic ear infections. That's about the only time I go out of my way to suggest somebody who isn't really familiar with chiropractic look into it, as that causes so much pain for the kids and so many sick days for the family.

But anyway...it's just a bad idea with the dynamic that is occurring right now. I can't recall the last time, if ever, you mentioned her gracefully realizing that your needs were important too and acting as if they were?

[learninginTN]

Originally Posted by SNeacail

Frankly that's not the issue. Is she pushing because he is pushing or has her brain just shut off in all her sexual excitement?

A lot of her brain has shut off due to the NRE (and bipolar issues). Maybe Narcissistic Personality Disorder (this has not been formally diagnosed. I just see the signs). The parts of the brain dealing with common sense and basic human dignity and civility, for instance.

[kdt26417]

Re (from learninginTN, Post #106):

"ME: Damn, that was fun.
W: What was?
ME: The date.
W: Why?
ME: I think it's because she's always laughing and smiling.
W: That's because she doesn't live with you and the girls."

Just thought I'd belatedly comment about that and say, that was a cold thing of W to say. I think I know what she means, dating is funner than day-to-day living, but that was an unkind way of her to phrase it. Mean to both you and the girls. One example, perhaps, of her being disabled in the areas of common sense and basic human dignity and civility.

It also may be a clue that she is really, really unhappy with the life she has at home. I guess she must be getting something out of it, or she'd be suing for divorce even as we speak (and would not care for custody of the kids). But she is deeply unhappy at home -- not laughing or smiling, I guess we could put it that way.

As far as the chiropractic thing goes, I guess I can see the connection between that and the sinuses. I had just never heard of it before. So, that part's fine, it's more the "mixing of adult friend/authority figure with doctor roles" that raises a yellow flag.

I hope that W will improve, but you have to consider the possibility that she may be like this to some degree from now on. Can I ask, was she always like this? Did it start when she started seeing her boyfriend?

[learninginTN]

Originally Posted by kdt26417

Re (from learninginTN, Post #106):
Can I ask, was she always like this? Did it start when she started seeing her boyfriend?

The first 10 years of our marriage she seemed fine. When the girls were born, she was hit with a really bad depression, and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Started taking Zoloft, which seemed to help. But eventually she went off the drug, and her behavior towards me starting taking a nosedive: criticism, yelling, inpatience, and just a general mean-spiritness about her.

After the affair she started taking Zoloft again, and again improved her behavior. When we started swinging, she was off the meds again, and starting to treat me badly. But it's only been since she's been seeing her current guy that she has refused having sex with me, and she only started saying the D word since she started being serious with him (about three months ago).