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  #11  
Old 02-13-2013, 04:59 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Originally Posted by StudentofLife View Post
How do some of the rest of you newbies see your journey and envision your destination? What does your ideal world look like, say, five years from now?
Are you only looking for input from people new to poly?

If you want to read what has already been written by members here about their poly ideals and dreams, there are a few existing threads to check out. Feel free to add your input to whichever thread you feel is appropriate:

Imagine your ideal relationship.


Solo poly people - what's your ideal?

Ideals or Relationships..which comes first?
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  #12  
Old 02-13-2013, 05:15 PM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Are you only looking for input from people new to poly?

If you want to read what has already been written by members here about their poly ideals and dreams, there are a few existing threads to check out. Feel free to add your input to whichever thread you feel is appropriate:
Thank you for the links, nycindie.

While my goal was to get a conversation going with newer members, I was under the impression that the general discussion section was open to any and all members, new or established, to use freely. I wouldn't have thought that limiting the discussion in any way, including to only newer members, was either desirable or possible. Please allow me to clarify that I meant any attempt on my part to limit a discussion.

That said, for the more experienced members with established partnerships, a thread about where they hoped to be in five years might have been somewhat anti-climactic, if the majority of answers were basically, "Pretty much where we are right now."

In your experienced opinion, should I contact a moderator to ask that this thread be moved from the general discussion area and integrated into an existing thread?

Thanks for your help!

Last edited by StudentofLife; 02-13-2013 at 05:17 PM. Reason: clarification
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  #13  
Old 02-13-2013, 05:39 PM
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Originally Posted by StudentofLife View Post
While my goal was to get a conversation going with newer members, I was under the impression that the general discussion section was open to any and all members, new or established, to use freely.
Yes, it is.


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Originally Posted by StudentofLife View Post
I wouldn't have thought that limiting the discussion in any way, including to only newer members, was either desirable or possible.
I see nothing wrong with only wanting to hear from people new to poly (or do you mean new to being a member of this forum?). That's what it sounded like when you asked, "How do some of the rest of you newbies see your journey and envision your destination?" I myself started one of the threads I linked to, and that is specifically for solo poly people to discuss what they want. It is not meant for those poly people who are married or in established partnerships. Sometimes people want feedback from others who are part of a specific audience, and that's fine. A few examples: we have threads where members want opinions from people who have children, or are into BDSM, or live together as triads, or are in Master/Slave relationships, or who live on a farm, or are members of 12-step programs, or are virgins, and so on. It's not a problem at all to want to hear from a certain demographic.

When I saw more experienced poly peeps respond, after you asked for input from newbies, I just thought I'd request clarification from you on who you wanted to hear from. Specificity and clarity always helps in communication, so I asked. That's all.


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Originally Posted by StudentofLife View Post
That said, for the more experienced members with established partnerships, a thread about where they hoped to be in five years might have been somewhat anti-climactic, if the majority of answers were basically, "Pretty much where we are right now."
Oh, I don't know about that. People change and evolve and grow all the time, and even poly old-timers may not be where they want to be. As I've always been told, one built-in rule in setting up goals for oneself is that the goals can change at any time. We are never the same people we once were, and will never be the same person we are now.


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Originally Posted by StudentofLife View Post
In your experienced opinion, should I contact a moderator to ask that this thread be moved from the general discussion area and integrated into an existing thread?
Up to you. If you want it to be for newbies, leave it. If you want it incorporated into another thread, request that. I only provided links to existing threads to let you know that similar topics were here if you wished to read more. It is always helpful to do a search before posting, and we love it when old threads get resurrected.
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Last edited by nycindie; 02-13-2013 at 05:49 PM.
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  #14  
Old 02-13-2013, 06:59 PM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post

I see nothing wrong with only wanting to hear from people new to poly (or do you mean new to being a member of this forum?). It's not a problem at all to want to hear from a certain demographic.

I so appreciate your help in clarifying this! I meant those members new to poly relationships, as my girlfriend and I are. It's very helpful to know that it's okay to ask questions of only a certain segment of the members in the same position as ourselves.



Quote:
Oh, I don't know about that. People change and evolve and grow all the time...(trimmed) We are never the same people we once were, and will never be the same person we are now.
That is so true, and beautifully stated. I've enjoyed reading your blog, by the way, you are a excellent writer, and your big city life is fascinating and exciting to read about.



Quote:
I only provided links to existing threads to let you know that similar topics were here if you wished to read more. It is always helpful to do a search before posting, and we love it when old threads get resurrected.
In the future, I will be more diligent about searching the tags before I post a new thread. It's good to know that old threads coming back up are a good thing.
You're very kind to take the time to help me with this.
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  #15  
Old 02-13-2013, 07:14 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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In the future, I will be more diligent about searching the tags before I post a new thread. It's good to know that old threads coming back up are a good thing.
You're very kind to take the time to help me with this.
MOst forums have recurring topics as "sticky" threads, but there are so many popular topics on here that if they were all sticky they would fill up the whole first page even when there are no new posts in them. So, most of these can be found here, but there is a link to this at the top of each subforum called "Moved: Links to other threads worth reading".

I think I've observed that many people who join the forum and hang around for general discussions (as opposed to getting advice for their problem and leaving), tend to behave as if all this is new to them, so it must be new to everyone else, too, and in their eagerness to participate, and nnot seeing the topic they are interested in on the first or second page, assume that no one has ever brought up the topic yet.

Also - there is a difference between tag searches and "regular" searches. Tags are part of a clickable cloud of key words that pull up threads that people have "tagged" at the bottom. Tag searches do not search for a term or keyword in the title or body of the message. "Regular" searches are for seaarching posts and/or threads for specific character strings. These can be narrowed using other fields in the "Advanced Search" dialogue.

Go ahead and play around with these tools. LOok up in the blue bar with the white writing, third from the right, btwn Quick LInks and New posts. Try out different ways of searching for what you want. Don't assume that just because you tried it one way and didn't find something useful, that you won't find it by searching another way. You will not get in trouble nor will you break the website.
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  #16  
Old 02-13-2013, 07:23 PM
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Default Greatly appreciated

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You will not get in trouble nor will you break the website.

Thank you again!
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  #17  
Old 02-13-2013, 07:55 PM
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Cool, your plan and approach sound very grounded and reasonable. When there's no one right answer it's much harder to fail.
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  #18  
Old 02-13-2013, 09:49 PM
ManofDiscovery ManofDiscovery is offline
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Originally Posted by StudentofLife View Post
That sounds like a great plan. I love classical guitar.

Your beautiful Spanish women sound like a great place to start. Can I ask how long you've been pondering an ethically open relationship model for yourself? You may have already posted this elsewhere, I'm sorry if I'm asking you to repeat yourself.

Have you read any of the articles up at Franklin Veaux's Sprawling Web Empire?
Here's a link, in case you'd find it of interest. The man is smarter and more articulate than most, and I found his writing syle to be so easy to read. Let me know what you think, after you have a chance to check it out?

http://www.morethantwo.com/

When I was young, there were these international dolls, they gave them out at gas stations when you got a fill-up. One of them was a Spanish woman, in beautiful full red and black skirts....if I still had her, I'd send her to you. Except now you'd need at least three....
Haha...your international dolls sound awesome. They would certainly tide me over for a while if nothing else

I have just started looking at that site you posted, and I'm very interested. First page I'm looking at right now is the 'dos and don'ts', and that in itself is some really solid stuff, and I've only read half of it so far.

I'm sure most people here will roll their eyes and say 'shit yeah, that stuff is obvious'...but it's really solid grounding stuff for me.

Thanks!
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  #19  
Old 02-13-2013, 10:47 PM
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StudentofLife StudentofLife is offline
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Default We need a British Doll

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Originally Posted by ManofDiscovery View Post
Haha...your international dolls sound awesome. They would certainly tide me over for a while if nothing else

I have just started looking at that site you posted, and I'm very interested. First page I'm looking at right now is the 'dos and don'ts', and that in itself is some really solid stuff, and I've only read half of it so far.

I'm sure most people here will roll their eyes and say 'shit yeah, that stuff is obvious'...but it's really solid grounding stuff for me.

Thanks!
Well...they weren't life sized. Maybe I should have mentioned that up front, in case you were imagining...Never mind. We probably shouldn't dwell on what you might be thinking of doing with dolls.

I'm glad you like the site! He has so much of value to say. His was one of the first sites I found when trying to learn. Let me know what you find especially interesting, maybe we can chat about it.

Quack!! Quack!!
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  #20  
Old 02-13-2013, 10:54 PM
ManofDiscovery ManofDiscovery is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StudentofLife View Post
Well...they weren't life sized. Maybe I should have mentioned that up front, in case you were imagining...Never mind. We probably shouldn't dwell on what you might be thinking of doing with dolls.

I'm glad you like the site! He has so much of value to say. His was one of the first sites I found when trying to learn. Let me know what you find especially interesting, maybe we can chat about it.

Quack!! Quack!!
Haha...I will have to start calling you Ducky.

I haven't read the whole site by any means, but have covered a lot more. I read the stuff on jealousy - both the theory and practice, and it made a lot of sense.

I remember my last girlfriend, when we first met, she told me how she had an affair with her boss who she still works with about 6 months previously. I suddenly felt really really jealous and angry. At the time, I was shocked, because I've never been particularly jealous before.

Those pages really helped me to understand what was going on in my head. Mainly the fear of competition, that this other man might be 'better' than me. That I'm having to compete against the managing director of a big company, someone who swans suavely around the office, issuing out instructions and generally being smooth. These are the images that you find running through your mind.

All pretty ridiculous stuff, which makes it all the more surprising when it happens from nowhere.

Swans and ducks in one single post. This is turning into my local pond.

PS Disappointed about your doll revelation. I was very excited for a second.
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