update. I'm not freaking out but I am on edge. she was hanging out at her BF's brothers house last night (he doesn't know) when she was leaving to go back to where she is staying, I got some very vague emails from her. I knew what she was doing but I don't think she wanted to tell me. after some gentle pushing, she told me that she had sex with him last night in the back of his SUV in a parking lot. I was prepared for tonight, this was an unexpected bomb.
ever since it started, she has tried to hide things from me because she thinks I'll be disappointed. I have reassured her over and over that I would much rather have the truth than have her lie to me and I find out later.
I'm breathing, I'm breathing. I really wish I wasn't at work. I really wish I wan't halfway around the world.