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Old 05-30-2011, 01:59 PM
gwendolenthefair's Avatar
gwendolenthefair gwendolenthefair is offline
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 62

KellyBryan, why do you assume there ARE a bunch of SWFs who are dying to have a relationship with a couple? Because you, and a million other couples, wish they existed?

We are living in a culture where it is programmed into every little girl, via Disney movies and the rest of our culture in general, that when she grows up she is going to meet her prince charming and get married and live happily every after.

Let's say your target single bisexual female is a bit more self-aware than many and actually manages to figure out that she's bisexual, at least a bit, and that nonmonogamy can be a valid choice for her.

So, at this point, she has two choices. Choice one, be in a monogamous relationship with someone else, which means she can have either a male or a female lover, but not both. In this scenario, if she chooses a male partner (or a female one in one of the rare places where gay marriage is legal), she can have a legal, socially acceptable marriage and all the rights and privileges that go with that.

Choice two, she can also find an open poly relationship and be free to love whomever she wishes, AND also have a legal marriage and all the rights and privileges that go with that.

But wait. There is also choice three. She can choose a polyfidelitous triad with a married or otherwise established couple. Nope, no legal marriage possible here, forget about having all the legal protections and property rights legal marriage offers. (Bi-female-seeking couples often say that contracts can be drawn up to give their partners some of the same benefits as legal marriage, but in five years of being poly, I have heard of exactly ONE couple who took the trouble to do this for their female partner.) Nope, no other partners possible, just the couple. The couple, like all their counterparts, say that their "third" would be an equal partner in the relationship right off the bat, but pardon me if I'm a bit skeptical about that, in a situation where the primary couple relationship is already an established thing. Our bi female will be expected to eventually move into THEIR house, which is already set up and decorated the way THEY want. Will she meet their friends and family members as their partner, or will she have to pose as a "roommate"? Depends on the couple and the situation. If they have children, she will be expected to love them and share in their upbringing, although if the triad breaks up, god only knows if she'll even ever get to see them again. Will the couple support her having children with the husband herself if she wants them? Maybe, maybe not, depends on the couple and the situation.

Still wonder why SWFs who want to date an existing couple, polyfidelitously, aren't exactly dropping from the trees?

There are other valid choices in polyamory for a couple with a bi female. They can date a bisexual woman who is already in another relationship or relationships. She might even be married, imagine that! I know some great married or otherwise seriously partnered bi women who would happily date a MF couple, but most couples won't even talk to them because they aren't single.

They can date another couple. They can date separately, any partners they click with. The woman might even choose a man. The man might even choose a straight woman who could be a good friend to his wife but nothing more. There is a lot more out there than unicorns. Love doesn't always come in the package you fantasize for yourself.

Last edited by gwendolenthefair; 05-30-2011 at 04:08 PM.
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