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Old 11-04-2010, 04:53 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231
Default Early lessons

Hey Rainbow,

How much have you and your hubby actually discussed what poly means - to you both ? Or have you at all ?

I admit to coming more from the liberal camp than many who may respond. To me, if the discussions are happing properly up front, there's space been made for spontaneity. By that I'm not indicating NO guidelines what-so-ever, but I'm advocating a more reasonable approach to resolving conflicts because of variations in understanding or behavior around those guidelines.

The bottom line for many of us is safety. That's a #1 guideline that can invoke some major confrontations.

Beyond that, I'm from a mindset that wants to allow things to flow as naturally as possible in order to reach their full potential. Anything short of that injects the potential for 'Control' dynamics. I don't want to be one who infringes on my lovers freedom of choice and judgement at any given moment. I think this is a dis-empowering thing for many people, can exhibit a lack of trust/confidence etc.
None of which do much to build a strong relationship.

So, depending on what you and he have discussed prior, to me, if there's an agreement that poly is how we are going to proceed, then unless agreed otherwise, there's an expectation of the unknown. And also an expectation of using good judgement along the way.

There's a balance of considering other's opinions & feelings vs a reality that is in our face at a given moment and the level of trust and respect we are offered to manage it safely and with a positive outcome.

A balance that takes time and communication to master.

Good luck.

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