I'm sorry you have a broken heart but this poly stuff tends to be full contact...hearts get broken and sometimes dinged up
I think this guy's a pro ...he knows what he's doing. He's always got an answer. How did he phrase it ...shaping how information is released?
I'm curious when your husband agree to opening up what did he see the benefit to him would be? This sounds like Aurelie's situation....wife getting physical need met elsewhere. Does he get off on the cuckold thing?
In the poly/mono dynamic the happiness of spouse/(primary) partner is the number one thing in that quantitative analysis. On balance do you think that was true. Or did he get stuck being the emotional tampon for this other guy in between visits.