Thank god for husbands, is all I can say. I had a meltdown tonight. Rational thought fled and I was just a mess.
I told L that I felt like he had no room in his life for me, and he said ouch but he can see why I said that. Then everything just kind of came out all at once and I told him how I don't feel like I am important to him. I know my life is a lot less busy but I make time for things that matter to me. Going months without seeing him... I didn't think I was being that unreasonable. If I hadn't flown out to see him, we wouldn't have been together since July and now he's telling me maybe at Christmas?
He told me he was feeling overwhelmed by what I said and so I said okay we'd talk later. I don't know when later is. I'm sure he's working on the renovations tonight and will have no energy when he's done. For that matter, I'm not sure when he will have the energy to deal with me. I guess I can't blame him. I know he has busy stuff going on, I know that stuff takes priority over me... but that doesn't mean it's easy for me to cope with losing my connection to him.
I called H in tears and I apologized and said I know he doesn't want to hear about the emotional stuff but I really needed him. And he was there for me and supported me and listened to everything and even gave me good advice. He really is the most wonderful man and I love him so much.
He thinks I have probably messed things up with L, though. He says he would not want to deal with my issues if he had so much stuff on his plate and would probably cut me loose. I guess if that's the decision he makes there's nothing I can do about it. It would hurt a lot not to have L in my life; I truly believe that the connection we have is rare and that we were meant to find each other. I don't want to lose him. But I don't know how to keep doing this because it hurts so much.
: 33 yrs, poly pansexual Dominant female.
Mark/StbxH, my husband of ten years, now separated for 18 months with no desire of reconciliation.
Henry, 29yrs, my collared submissive, dating for 2 years and cohabitating for 1 year. Currently no other partners.
Kiddo, my 6 year old son
Last edited by Vicki82; 10-25-2012 at 01:58 AM.