Thread: Vicki's Journey
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Old 10-17-2012, 03:09 PM
Cleo Cleo is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Europe
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Vicki, I feel for you. I've done things like that (reading stuff I know I shouldn't - it's not really snooping because its publicly out there, but you KNOW that the info will be disturbing or hurtful, and you still do it! It's the main reason I'm not FB friends with my one lover, MrBrown. I don;t see him very often, which is his choice, not mine, and follwing his activities on FB would be torture for me. But I have been tempted... )

You say that you don't know why you did it. I think it would be good to examine the reason behind the action.. look deep inside yourself and try to figure out why you did it. Is it jealousy? insecurity? a way to connect with him because you haven't seen him for so long? Only you can find the answers, and I think they could be useful in dealing with what are obviously issues in your relationship with him.

I have to say that this:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vicki82 View Post
Then I did feel some good feelings that things haven't been as shitty for him as I'd thought they'd been. Not that I ask a lot but when I did, he tells me he hasn't seen her in a few days. I guess I was asking at the wrong times.
worries me a little (mostly in combination with the fact that he sort of asked you wether you had read his blog, lately.). Is it a possibility, in your mind, that he lies to you? Even if this is only a subconscious fear, this could be the very reason you looked up her blog.. to look for confirmation of a possible lie.

There are many aspects about this relationship that are not the way you want them to be. I think that your reading her blog was maybe an attempt to gain some control, through getting more information about him and his life, the life that is taking place without you.
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early forties, straight.
the guys: Ren - husband; Curlz - bf of 2 years, Brig - bf of 7 months; Knight - non-sexual bf; MrBrown - it's complicated
Ren's girls: Lou - gf of 2 years, Liz - very new gf
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