Things have gotten a lot better with H and I as well. I am really proud of how far the two of us have come as a couple. When we met, we were just kids; I was 18 and he was 19. Neither of us had any idea how to handle a serious relationship, but we were drunk on love and damn well were going to do it anyway.
And it was awful. We had some terrible fights and said horrible things to each other. Any little issue would become a possible relationship ender because we just let things spiral out of control. Honestly, I'm still not sure why we didn't break up a dozen times in the 2nd-4th years of our relationship. First year of course was still the honeymoon phase.
Then in the fourth year, we got married. Something changed almost immediately. I can't really describe it. It's just like we instinctively KNEW that we had made a permanent commitment to each other so we had to change the way we related to each other in a fight. So, we started learning. We still had the occasional horrible fight, but it got a lot better. We learned to be nicer to each other, and to try to be fair. I wouldn't say our relationship was great then, but it got better.
Yesterday morning, we had a brief but ugly fight. We both took some time to cool off, and in the evening we went and sat on our couch and cuddled, and talked about our feelings. As usual, the reason we were fighting was that we were misunderstanding each other, and since we're both under stress and tired right now we allowed our old patterns to come back into play. When we thought about it, we realized we hadn't had an argument like that in more than a year. We just don't do that anymore. We've gotten so much better at communicating that we work on clarification rather than assumption.
So was the fight ugly? Yes, but it was literally less than ten minutes, and we handled it in such a productive way afterwards. It helped us both realize how far we've come and we agreed that we're proud of ourselves. We made our favourite dinner and cuddled up to watch a movie afterwards. Good times
H thinks that we just got lucky to have our relationship survive this long that we got to a place where we are really and truly happy with each other and getting our needs met. It's true that most couples who fall in love as young as we were don't work out, because they lack the same communication skills that we did. I still think that we each saw potential in the other to become what we have become now, and decided it was worth the investment. Did we get lucky? Hell yes. But I think we earned it, too.
I have a wonderful husband and I love him more than anything.
: 33 yrs, poly pansexual Dominant female.
Mark/StbxH, my husband of ten years, now separated for 18 months with no desire of reconciliation.
Henry, 29yrs, my collared submissive, dating for 2 years and cohabitating for 1 year. Currently no other partners.
Kiddo, my 6 year old son