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Old 10-10-2012, 02:48 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,868

Originally Posted by Vicki82 View Post
Maybe I am just the odd one out, but I would not agree to become engaged unless I actually was ready to get married. We didn't view it as a time to think about getting married; we took that time to plan the wedding!

But we talked about things before getting engaged so we knew we were both ready. In fact, we went ring shopping together although he bought it later on his own.

We did live together for 3 years prior to getting engaged, but we met very young. Granted, though; it's a lot easier to recover from a broken engagement than a broken marriage.
I don't think that you're the "odd one out" - sounds like you went through similar stages as GG and I. It's more that we have different ideas as to which stage the term "engagement" applies to - you and I put it at the end, after all the important conversations have already happened.. GG put it at the "contemplation" phase and the important conversations were part of the "engagement" process.

Benefit to a long engagement...this is what the "wedding industry" is now geared up for. We got engaged in December, and elected to get married in June (six months later). Around February I started looking for a wedding dress, after we had decided what kind of ceremony etc. we wanted - "four months", I thought, "plenty of time" I thought...I started looking for a wedding dress (having, of course, never done this before). So I started at a "Bridal Shop"...they asked when the wedding was, I said June, they asked what year, I said "this one", they said it couldn't be ready by then without a WHOLE LOT of money, I left.

I ended up finding an awesome dress at a fabulous private wedding/formal consignment shop in Philly. My dress cost (wait, let me look at the receipt) $401.25 with another $125 in alterations (from a size 12 down to a size 2 - with a permanent bustle of the train - because I was getting married outside on the grass - and a dress-bust modification which meant that I didn't have to wear a bra, which took...two weeks with ONE fitting). With never a raised eyebrow (even when my then-fiance accompanied me, solo, to the dress-choosing)...I think I lucked out...


PS. Don't get me started on my wedding, it was perfect...for us. Everything and everyone conspired to make me happy, so cherished,
JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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