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Old 10-10-2012, 02:17 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is online now
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,750

Originally Posted by SkylerSquirrel View Post
If I had to do it over again, I would have had sex sooner and not gotten married. I only got married because I thought it was a prerequisite to the things I DID want.
My Dad inadvertently gave me some great advice that helped reinforce the "sex sooner...married later (or never)" model that I was already following. Neither of my parents were great at the "sex talks" (to put it mildly). One day, at the age of 17, I was subjected to his awkward attempt at this (which was uncomfortable, but somewhat amusing, as I had started having sex-without-attachment a year earlier by deliberate choice - more info in my blog here).

Basically, he said that while, of course, it was better to wait until you were married to have sex (token acknowledgement of what parents are supposed to say to their teenage daughters) the same time he thought that many people (him perhaps? I wonder...) ending up getting married for the sole reason that they wanted to have sex with a particular person, and that he felt that that was not a good reason to get married. That, although sex had potential negative consequences that should be considered seriously, it would be better to have sex outside of the context of marriage than to get married just so you could have sex and wind up in an unhappy marriage for the rest of your life. (Apparently, divorce does not happen in our family...and, if it does, we talk about it, in hushed tones, even once all of the people involved are long- DEAD...Jeesh!)

(Fast Forward) Twenty years later we are having a conversation at a family gathering and he comes out with the statement that he was somewhat worried that all three of his daughters got married "too young" and may have "missed out" and that he feels guilty for not giving us better guidance. Meanwhile, all three of us got married at 22-26 and have been happily married for 10+ years. I assured him that I have not "missed out" on anything! (...I didn't elaborate) (I can't vouch for my sisters - I know that one sister had at least one other sexual partner before she got married - her long-term college boyfriend. I would bet money that the other was a virgin on her wedding day. On the other hand, they seem happy enough with their choices...)

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (5+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic girlfriend and BFF
Lotus: "it's complicated"
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 10-10-2012 at 02:22 AM.
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