L really is making an effort to connect with me the way I need. It has made so much of a difference in how I'm feeling. Does it still hurt that we haven't seen each other in 5 weeks and it will be longer? Fuck yeah. But at least I feel more secure and happier about our relationship.
I asked him for more phone calls when he's driving home from work at least, and the very next day he texted me and asked if he could call. Unfortunately I happened to be unavailable then but I really appreciate that he tried! And he made time for me to talk about the stuff that's been bothering me.
I feel a lot more comfortable than I did a week ago. I feel like my trust and comfort level are back to where they were before. I feel full of love again.
So I didn't get what I wanted... he said that FetLife wasn't the place for our kind of relationship since it's not about kink, and that he keeps his sex life private. I can understand that. He says the reason he acknowledges his sub there is because it's obviously a kink thing. I told him that I think I was asking because I felt like I was unimportant to him after reading that blog post about exclusivity with her; that if she was meeting all my needs, he wouldn't want me. He made it very clear to me that I meet different needs from her and that he loves me.
He also made me feel better about the fluid bonding thing. He told me that the issue hasn't arisen for them, and it's not something he is considering anyway, that he only does that with me. And maybe I'm not being cautious enough, but I believe him. What am I saying, I have never really shown great judgment when it comes to him. The connection between us was so intense that before we met I was fantasizing about going bareback with him. And I've never been interested in that with a casual sex partner before (which was all I was looking for at the time).
So I guess despite the distance, he is making me feel more like a priority, which I really needed. I am feeling more like I have the capacity to be patient and wait, hard as it is when I want to see him so much.
Things are also better with H. My mom took our son for the weekend so we could have some alone time (not because of this, it was preplanned), and we had a wonderful time. It was like how life was when we were dating
We went out to dinner on Friday night and flirted and just felt madly in love. Yesterday we went out for dinner (with a nice bottle of champagne) and a movie. It was just so nice.
Today kiddo came home and we had a nice Thanksgiving dinner. So all in all, things are looking up