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Old 09-02-2012, 12:22 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

There are a few of us here who have relationships like that. I adopted Sourgirl's term "lover-friend," and others have followed suit. I have no desire for committed partners or boyfriends in the usual sense of those words. So I know what you mean.

As far as propositioning an already established friend who knows you are married, I haven't had that experience because I am divorced and solo. I date and bring up my approach to non-monogamy if and when it feels appropriate to do so, and I don't have any established friends I'd want to turn into lovers at the moment. However, I really like CielduMatin's approach. I would add that you may want to discuss with your hubs which of your friends you are interested in (are they his friends, too?) just so he's in the loop, but that might depend on what agreements you have between you about that sort of thing (like let him know in advance, or after an attraction is established?). Then I would probably meet with one of your friends and start off telling him about the new change in your marriage and discuss the whole idea and philosophy behind it and of being poly/open in general. If he seems intrigued or interested and generally positive, then I would let him know how much you always valued his friendship and would like to know if he would be interested in "being more than a friend" or "sharing physical intimacy" (or similar phrase that you'd be comfy saying) with you. Let him know that your husband definitely gives his blessing. But if his reaction is negative, harsh, or critical, then you know not to proposition him and won't be dangling out there without a net, so to speak.
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Last edited by nycindie; 05-01-2014 at 07:42 AM.
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