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Old 08-21-2012, 12:34 PM
Becca Becca is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 113
Default Finding Balance with Multiple Relationships

I have been extremely successful at developing relationships with low drama people who are all respectful of each other and support me in my relationships with others. It's a real blessing.

My relationships are also of varying ages, with a couple being several years old (established, comfortable, secure, emotionally intimate), one just over the six month mark (what a relief to have the NRE fading), and a couple new dating relationships (whheeeee, excitement!). Yes, with this number of people, most of these are people I see only once or twice a week, though I spend every full weekend with my primary-ish (the word signifies mainly the time commitment we make to each other, though he's also the only one I talk to about long term FUTURE). They also all have other primary-ish (or explicitly primary, if they do things that way) relationships with other people.

Most of the time, I feel incredibly happy with this arrangement. It helps me to allow relationships to develop to their own level, without anxiety about shaping them to be any particular thing. I feel like I am surrounded by a network of support and affection.

But sometimes, every once in a while, it feels a little overwhelming-- like I have a part of my brain going all the time to evaluate whether I'm putting enough energy into this relationship, have I made sure that X knows I care about them this week even though I'm so busy and can't see them, and are things going okay between me and Y, and can I keep every plate properly spinning when my focus seems to be drifting to just this one plate over here right now, etc. etc. etc.

Is this structure, this thing I'm doing, inherently chaotic? If it feels this good, why isn't everyone doing it? Is there something weird with me? How do I know when I've stretched myself so thin, that what I'm getting out of it is eclipsed by the energy I put into it? How can I think that way about these people I love?

I appreciate your thoughts.
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