Originally Posted by Ttree
Hey YouAreHere, I guess the reason I fear the "veto" is because I'm afraid of it being abused.
Then don't enter into any agreement that involves vetos. It really is that simple. Nobody can abuse a power that you've not agree to give them.
There are a great many poly arrangements that don't involve them; I suspect you think most arrangements that involve primaries have veto agreements is because you hear about those in many discussions (and many of those discussions involve problems with such agreements). There are a great many of us who don't have such an agreement--and you'll not hear us discussing issues surrounding vetos in our relationships because it doesn't apply.
My wife can't veto anybody for me and I can't veto anybody for her. I trust she'll choose decent partners. If she dates somebody I don't much like, I simply won't spend any time hanging out with the person. Won't make much difference to me, as time she spends with somebody else is the same whether I like the person or not.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.
While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.