Hey YouAreHere, I guess the reason I fear the "veto" is because I'm afraid of it being abused. I have recently gotten out of a relationship during which I simultaneously realised I am definitely poly and that I really do love two guys. I realised I really love this guy so much and my mono ex absolutely refused to make any compromise whatsoever regarding me and other guys (ie not just physical, I could not even tell the other person my feelings, which feels very wrong to me, given everything he and I had been through together and our honesty and care for each other. ) It put me under an immense amount of stress, feeling like a prisoner in an otherwise very good and caring relationship. I had to break up with him because he would not accept me for who I am.
I am now dating the other guy (also mono, surprisingly), who really accepts me for who I am and whose only condition is honesty (one I am glad to fulfil and something very important to me as well) and says he really doesn't mind so long as I am happy and reach fulfilment in my decisions. He seems to really care deeply for me.
I would love his input if he did have any concerns: he said he would like to meet anyone I plan to seriously date to make sure they are decent and will not hurt me (he is protective but not possessive at all). This all I am really happy about.
So far it is just me and him (my ex will not accept me as poly). It seems you have a similar structure in place to the one I currently have.
Phy, yeah I agree regarding personal boundaries, partners should definitely speak up about things that are important to them and particularly when it comes to trust within the relationship. I will compromise on a lot of things to ensure my partners feel safe and happy (my current relationship is really easy as he is a very understanding guy and so similar to me: we just both value total honesty.) with the only real rules on that front being honesty and not allowing one partner to force/pressure me regarding who I date and how I express my love for my partner(s). The "hows" and "when"s and "let me meet them first"s etc are all fine with me, so long as any requests they have must come from their own side and their own (honestly expressed) needs for security, not a need to control/dominate me or others. I guess that has happened to me in friendships and relationships before and I am very wary of it now.