Originally Posted by Riunin
Umm ok, thank you everyone, I do feel a need to correct myself though. I said Polyamoury is on the verge of cheating for me, that wasn't quite right. Polyamoury feels dangerous to me, not wrong or bad on the whole, but rather for me personally. It's not a concept that I'm very comfortable with, it's not something I'll ever strive towards or try because I want to. I don't have the proper words to express it. I can see how others can do it just like how I can see how others can have open relationships or just find people to have sex with. I don't think any less of these people its just not something that I can do, or really want to do. I'm not calling everyone here a bunch of cheaters, from what I've read you've all worked hard to make your relationships work, its just not for me. I want to thank you all, you've helped me a lot, I do appreciate it. It just not my mind set or whatever. I care about her and want her to be happy though, so pain me as it does I'm not giving up on her, I just hope it works out.
Funny-I didn't take any offense at your words at all Riunin. In fact at first I thought-wow hope Mono read this. Then scrolled down and WALLA! He did.
Also thought-wow talk to Maca.. but I know he hasn't read it-as he's my husband and hasn't had time to log in while dealing with the extra work on his plate due to my medical issues right now. BUT he may have some great suggestions if you wanted to PM him.
I think you both need to study up on Polyamory.
I think there is a great number of links on here-xeromag.com has some WONDERFUL material to read (for you both) and so does lovemore.com
I suggested both to Maca after letting him know I was poly (he was REALLY upset, hurt, angry, fearful of all the things you mentioned and more).
There is also polyfamilies.com or polyamoryonline.org some good info there, a little more work in getting to it.
Also- there are books (takes longer to read those). Mono regularly suggests the Love Without Limits books-author was involved in creating Lovemore.com "back in the day".
SHE might ought to read Opening Up. New book. VERY clearly written. Really addresses A LOT of details about risks to consider when opening a relationship and what details need to be ironed out BEFORE you go adding more people to your life as lovers or more. It's (been pointed out by Mono) not the "gentlest" book for a mono-natured person who isn't wanting to learn more, or is really insecure about themselves. BUT if you can manage to read it with an open mind-it does address some of the issues that we create for ourselves by allowing ourselves to believe we can not control our actions based on our emotions.
In your posts you say something about possibly demonizing the other "her" etc. Those are actions. Actions we choose. FEELINGS we do not always choose.
FEELING hurt, insecure, jealous etc is normal and can be worked through-but on is still responsible to control their actions and to behave and to treat others both physically and verbally with a certain amount of respect and caring-verbally means in front of and behind their back fyi in my opinion.