Read your post. I found the answer in there and I'm pretty sure you will too.
Regarding the submissive, you need to worry less about what you can't or won't give and just focus on what you can give. It's not about better or worse. It's about different. That's why we choose this lifestyle. It's hard for one person to give us all we want. So we seek it from multiple sources. That doesn't mean we aren't in love with one or the other. Love is additive, not subtractive. You build on it. You don't split it up and share it.
Read the ethical slut. It talks about all of this and it's a good educational read.
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith
Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old