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Old 06-23-2012, 03:43 PM
OmahaPoly OmahaPoly is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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"No More Mr. Nice Guy" is a great book, and as you are discovering does not involve being either a jerk or a doormat. Read it, believe it. For others here who have read "act like an asshole" articles please understand that book has nothing in common with them.

Now for opinion:
You sir, are being had. She doesn't want a strong man, or she would be with him already and you aren't it. If you were, she wouldn't be "molding you" and certainly wouldn't be hiding you. You have to remember that she has chosen you. This does not mean she loves you, any more than trying to change you means she loves you. She wants a relationship she can dominate and that requires a "Mr. Nice Guy", and she also wants a man she can respect (she has made that clear) because she isn't happy with a man she can dominate. Which one are you?

Plus, the huge, huge thing I have not seen anyone here talk much about is the other party. It is easy in a Poly setting to forget that the other person is as deserving of respect and consideration as the two "primary" partners. Whoever it is she is seeing may develop strong feelings, and does not deserve to be hurt. Looking at her relationship with the other party, this woman is a lying, cheating user. Regardless of what she does or does not tell you, in her relationship with the other person she is lying to them, cheating on them (presuming they are like most folks and practice serial monogamy and believe she is also), and using them to fulfill whatever aspects of herself she wishes without in turn providing them the opportunity to actually know her.

If it isn't honest, it isn't right. Period. There are no circumstances where misleading one another over such fundamental things leads to better relationships.

JMO, YMMV. I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but sometimes plain language is the most effective. I sincerely wish you both nothing but the best.

Last edited by OmahaPoly; 06-23-2012 at 03:46 PM.
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