I feel like I don't really fit here, but then with my sitch I don't fit anywhere, and I need some help.
I am (monogamous and) married to a quadriplegic...just to be clear, he is completely paralysed below the shoulders and is severely disabled (some quads can drive, feed themselves etc but he cannot). We had been together 2 years & engaged for 2 weeks when he tripped & fell playing ball in the backyard, almost 7 years ago.
We tried to create a sex life of some kind together but it was physically painful for him & fraught with all kinds of other pain for both of us. Last year, during a tearful discussion, he told me that although he didn't like it, he understood I needed some kind of outlet and that I had his permission - he just didn't want to know anything about it. It took several months for me to be okay with it, but eventually I had a few flings...it was wonderful to be sexual again, but also pretty weird, uncomfortable & a little scary (casual sex has never been my preference).
I had given up on the whole thing - then I met someone and experienced the kind of cosmic, karmic, soul connection that I had previously thought was a Hollywood construct! (besides which, he is awesome in bed
Now I am struggling to make sense of it all, to not feel guilty, to figure out what is the right thing to do, to cause the least amount of pain possible for all concerned (including my sons & stepson, ages 15, 10 & 13). My bf totally gets it & is full of compassion for my husband & me, no pressure - but I am at sea. I don't want to leave my husband OR my bf, and my previous life hasn't given me the skills to deal with this - please can you all help me??