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Old 05-21-2012, 10:06 PM
corey corey is offline
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Spokane, WA
Posts: 36

km34: thanks for your reply

I think knowing who she is with and a general place she is going to be is pretty okay so that you are able to find her in case of emergency.
She so stubborn and difficult to talk to sometimes. Always so private and irritable (not just me, she acts the same with family or friends) so her reaction is always just like "you just want to keep tabs on me to feel like youre in control"

I agree that mimicking dates she has with her others would seem rather lame. If you want to make your relationship more fulfilling, then do it yourself. Don't rely on someone else to give you ideas.
Yeah I guess your right now that couple people mention this make sense

I would balk at this. It's her home, too, so putting that limit seems harsh. Asking for no sexual contact when you're around or in your bed seems reasonable.
I just feel like if she really wants to make a life with me, get married, have kids and a serious relationship - then we have to have a place that is ours, some place that is separated from this "friend with benefit". Remember that I am monogamous and she is asking for this, and for me to give in to something like this should show her that i do care but some things she I cannot negotiate.

but imposing a curfew is going to seem rather parent-y of you.
I just dont want her to stay overnight, then it to me isnt really just that she needs to get her rocks off, it then seems like something more. As far as midnight, just referring to that as a transitional, while im adjusting to this new experience.

Oh, as a side note, it makes me really uncomfortable how you refer to having your "first friend" always in quotations.
What I mean on this, is I REALLY dont understand why someone needs to have another friend (with sex), friend i understand, but with sex, being monogamous makes me feel as though I am not enough for her. So I just feel if I experience what she has that I would understand and then be more understanding of her... and not a "tit for tat" sort of thing, in fact she says she wants me to have the same thing, she is okay with it

As for reading her messages, this seems like an invasion of privacy. If you can't trust her enough to let her talk to people, why are you in a relationship with her? On the other side, why is she so secretive? It really doesn't seem like she is after "casual sex." She is talking to this guy all the time, wanting to sleep over, and go on dates. Is she like that with all her friends or is this awfully relationship-y?
It feels very much like a relationship, which is what bothers me the most. As for reading her text, the only reason i did was BEFORE she asked for open relationship we are living together serious relationship monogamously and she dissapeared TWICE (2 friday night in a row) without telling me where she was, who she was with, she didnt come home until 3am. So being in monogamous relationship, she was cheating and I needed to know what going on.

At this point I want her to trust me NOT to read her messages, but be able to share some of what is going on, something simple as "oh he just wants to know if i want to go out friday" or something or "he just flirting" Her being secretive about it makes me worry that this isnt so much an "open-relationship" with me as a primary but her wanting a place to stay until she can find something better

Once a week doesn't seem that frequent to me, but if it always led to sleepovers I would think differently. If they are really friends, then it isn't unreasonable, but to me hanging out with a friend is not always a one-on-one activity, either. Do they hang out with other people or is all their time together date-like?
She hasnt really told me much yet what they do but it seems like hanging out with a friend and/or date/sex kind of thing... As far as once a week being too much for me to have her gone, we are both student so weekday we are at school, weeknight we are dealing with homework, and Sunday is nothing but homework. So really leaves Fri night and Sat night for me with her. So giving up a whole day every week, at this point is a lot to me.

This would be a requirement for me. Hands down. How is the other person a friend if he doesn't know that she is in a serious relationship? Does this person know that she is wanting to keep it emotion-free (or at least romance free)?
She "says" that these things for her are unemotional and she just likes the "attention" she gets from another guy (i dont know what that means) she says that he told her that he just wants a casual thing but from the text msg she did show me (i could tell she deleted part of it) it sounded like he was upset about something possibly relating to wanting to keep casual, along with the fact she hasnt told him she in a serious relationship just has me concerned

Last edited by corey; 05-21-2012 at 10:09 PM.
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