Hierarchy is NOT a dirty word!
thatgirl: caught that when i was giving it a last go-over, think i took care of the double post.
re: 2x3 times a year: you gotta keep in mind that they travel extensively, and have multiple partners/houseboys/etc, so they don't have time for more than a couple of times a month. this keeps them from glomming onto someone during nre as well. i once had a lover that i would only see a couple of times a year and haven't been sexual in almost a decade, he was/is a huge love in my life.
your boundaries resonate with me as well - i like that it developed slowly and over time - makes sense that you'd be careful not to step on anyone's toes even though you're seeing lots of each other, and that boundaries would relax over time, too. i could see myself having similar feelings about that, but ask me once we've re-entered poly and hit the 18 month mark LOL.
phy: that's totally cool, totally respect that. lots o' ways to do poly/open relationships/non-monogamy. i think it's all about finding what works for each person, and making sure everyone feels happy in poly. it's about more love, not about more pain! glad you know what works for ya, that's awesome. i also have to say that it's really cool to see you on the opposite side of the fence, but not slagging someone else's approach - that's so awesome.
annabel: from what i've read, your partners don't seem to consider you to be disposable, but i can see how parallels would freak you out a bit - i don't think it's the same sich at all, but that's jes' me. the peeps that are dating my sis/her partner are comfortable with this structure for sure - i guess it's all about finding the partners that work for you, and i think you have, as they have, no? it's not about considering secondary partners 'bad' or 'dangerous' it's just about the structure that works best for them. this doesn't mean they don't love/respect the people that they're with, it's just living their truth, honestly and openly. they don't offer up more than they're willing to give, they never take more than they've agreed to receive. love wise, no limits, friendships with eachother's partners, heck yes, but time & energy are limited, so they've set limits that work fer them. do you have your own primary partner? if not, do you think that would change the dynamic of your concerns? and if not, do you think that you need more commitment/security from eric and gia because of that? don't mean to stir shit up, jes' curious.
nycindie: y'all wouldn't date each other, that's for sure LOL! lucky for all of us, the poly universe has lots o' stars that all shine in different ways, huh?
they're not dictating anything to each other from what i can tell - they are super high functioning incredible queer/trans peeps who have created a life together that they love, and that their 'orbiting' (LOL!) partners' love to share in. it's got nothing to do with low self esteem - from what i know of them, and their partners both past and present, they're all confident, happy, successful people who happen to like loving/having sex/having dates/connecting with lots of people. agreeing on structure doesn't mean they're somehow kowtowing to a mommy power - they're incredibly equal and powerful people, but they have agreed on shit, and chosen peeps who are cool with that. jes' getting clear: does that mean that you think that their secondaries don't matter or don't love themselves in some way?
you seem to really have found what works for you, and makes you happy, and have some pretty developed/firm opinions too - looked for your blog, but didn't see one, and my interest is peaked! Do you participate in having a primary partner? If so, how long have you two been together/were together, and what rules do the two of you share?
Last edited by CherryBlossomGirl; 02-25-2012 at 07:39 AM.
Reason: changed text