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Old 02-25-2012, 04:41 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

(BP, you might want to edit your second post- everything's listed twice!)

I'm completely in agreement with pretty much all of that. I wouldn't agree to all of #9 or the first part of #4, though. Only 3x a month and NO overnights?!? If they're talking only 3x a month of one-on-one time, then maybe. I'd still like an overnight every month or two. But after over 2 years since we started dating, and almost all of that LDR, I want to spend TIME with TGIB! That's one of the reasons I'm SO glad that MC and TGIB have their own friendship- there's nothing awkward or uncomfortable about all of us hanging out together. We'd do that anyway, just as friends, and it's an extra bonus that I happen to be in love with both of them as well. But we're all aware that there's a need to be careful- I shouldn't be spending MORE time with TGIB than I am with MC or my kids. For every "private time" date I have with TGIB, I should have at least one with MC as well.

As far as the "comment riot" for #2 goes, I think my commitment to my primary relationship is WHY MC can be mono himself yet so secure regarding my poly-ness. He knows I'm not leaving him or abandoning the kids. He knows I'll do what I need to do to make sure my marriage and my family are as healthy as possible. And TGIB knows it too, but he also knows that doesn't mean I love him any less. Some people use "hierarchy" like it's a dirty word, but really, it's just a guideline. As was said in another thread, having a relationship hierarchy isn't going to MAKE people be jerks any more than NOT having a hierarchy is going to make them NOT be jerks. MC being my primary doesn't mean that if TGIB is having a bad day I have to stop being there for him to go make MC a sandwich. It means that if they're BOTH having bad days I'll check-in with MC first and see what he needs before I do the same for TGIB, and they'll both respect that I'll go wherever I feel the need is greatest. "Primary" or "central" doesn't ALWAYS equal "first". And eventually, I'd LOVE for TGIB to be a co-primary, but for now while we're raising our families (TGIB has kids also, with his ex) it's not practical.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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