The reason I was looking at married men is that I really don't want an emotional relationship, and I know that the vast majority of cheating husbands just want sex. Yes, I know lots of women fall for married men, but I also assume that they might have been looking for a different type of affair. From what I've been told, most women want a love affair to meet missing emotional needs. Yes, I realize I'm generalizing but I would assume it's typically true.
I was planning not to go beyond surface stuff when I am with a sex partner and we're talking. I'm just not interested in an emotional outlet there, so I think it would be tough to fall for someone if they're just an occasional fuck. If they fall for me, that's their problem- I'll find someone new. They know up front what my expectations are.
It really was so much easier in person. I liked making friends with both the husband and wife and knowing that we were still going to be friends afterwards. I liked how easily the chemistry and attraction developed between us, and how relaxed we were in bed together. The internet has felt so awkward for me as a result. Honestly, I prefer the openness- but I doubt I will end up in another situation like I did with that couple. If I do, that would be a huge bonus.
I can't go to swinger's clubs. I don't drive and I am only free during the daytime, like I said. And this is not something H wants to go to. He's fine with me doing whatever while he's at work, but he doesn't want to participate. I definitely like the idea in theory, although of course there are some practical details that made me anxious, but it's a moot point anyway.
I do have to do some more reading on STIs. I know I am completely clean.
The Ethical Slut helped me feel more normal in my desires, and that was really helpful since I've spent the last month feeling like an unnatural, selfish freak. My H and I have done a lot of communicating about this to make sure we're both okay with it and our relationship, and we're finding that my fling with the other man has actually improved our marriage. I think the book will help us relate to each other better, although obviously many sections will not apply to us.
I actually did make a profile on OKC but it seems that single guys just don't seem to get it, despite my profile being quite clear about what I want and what I'm looking for.
I also figured longtime married men would be less likely to have an STI since they've had fewer partners. But yes, I do assume they are lying to me, too.