Do you really think that if you only sleep with married men that it's going to guarantee that you don't develop feelings? (or vice versa) Haven't you see thousands of women posting around the world how they've fallen in love with some guy who is cheating on his wife? So saying that "obviously" there wont be any emotions is silly. (I am assuming cheating? If so, there are probably better places to get advice from than here - polyamory IS ethical non-monogamy after all, and literally defined it is the ability TO love more than one person at a time - I do guess that that's why you wondered if you should post here?)
My father and thousands of other men out there, who are unhappy enough to cheat in the first place, fall for the new woman (regularly) who is exciting and doesn't make demands on them. A married friend who was doing the whole NSA thing found that it was like catnip for men married or not to decide that they wanted to have more, and to try to interfere with her marriage. Would you and your husband really rather have cheating husbands than honest and upfront sexual partners involved in your life?
Really if you want NSA, please go for the unattached guys, I don't imagine you'd like your husband going out and helping women deceive their spouses, or worse...deceiving you? I always tend to think that couples seeking hot bi-babes unicorns for fidelity are in for the worst luck of their life, but really, it sounds like this scenario is more likely to end up with more misery and karmic doom than anything else I can think of.
I think it is about 99% unlikely that you are actually going to be able to get cheating married men to provide you with STI test results (I mean they can say what they want, but paper results? no effin way). A guy who is cheating is going to likely be sex focused and want more regular sex than once a month or two if they have to jump through any hoops like proving they don't have gonorrhea or genital warts. THEY will find you way too high maintenance.
Genital warts, and the high risk HPV strains that cause cervical cancer aren't avoided with condoms. There are over 40 strains. They can be spread orally too, both with oral sex and kissing, and can give people oral cancer, or spread genitally for cervical or penile cancer. There are no tests for HPV in men. Genital herpes are not spread as much with condoms as without, but they can't be avoided with condoms. here where I live 1/4 women and 1/7 men have HSV-2. Normal STI tests do not include the HSV-2 blood test because it is so wide spread. It is MUCH more likely for a woman to get it from a man than vice versa. Just more food for thought. I mean you can roll the dice and all, but a girlfriend of my husband ended up with a high risk HPV strain from a partner not her husband last year and was cautioned by her doctor about the risks of spreading it for anything from kissing to oral sex.
edit: anyway, lots of people these days are unemployed, are house husbands, work from home for tech jobs, writing, whatnot. People are out there for daytime dates.
edit #2 - so..just what did you get from reading the Ethical Slut? I am pretty sure it doesn't recommend unethical monogamy, so just what sort of open relationship did it suggest that appeals to you? Starting from that point might be more useful.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Last edited by Anneintherain; 02-11-2012 at 11:49 AM.