Trying to figure things out
I just read through the guidelines and maybe I don't belong here, either, but I'm not really sure how to find where I fit and I need to talk to some people who are experienced in this sort of thing!
I hope a long story is okay- I figure that will get the most helpful responses.
I've been with my husband (H) for 11 years, married for 7. For most of our marriage, I've been fantasizing about being free to have sexual contact with other men. It's not that I am not happy to have sex with my husband; just that I love the idea of variety and being able to experiment if I want to.
For years, that idea remained on the back burner. A fantasy that I felt would never be satisfied. We had talked about it in the past (and I even have a friend that H has always said it's OK to fuck if the opportunity arose, since we'd been friends for 15 years and he's clearly no threat to our marriage).
Then we were on vacation and ran into some people we'd seen on our last vacation (completely by coincidence). We enjoyed their company and hung out most days. I noticed about halfway through the trip that the husband was coming on to me. I was very attracted to him as well. He told me that he and his wife were poly. I told H that I was very attracted to him and wanted to have sex with him. H was a little taken aback, but he did tell me to go for it.
So I had sex with him and it was great, and my husband realized it didn't diminish my love for him in the least- in fact it made me love and appreciate him more for being willing to allow me to do this. We won't see that couple more than a couple of times a year and I don't know if it will happen again, but it was a great experience.
H has now given me permission to seek other lovers when he is out of town on business, which he is quite frequently. He prefers that my attachments be casual and I can respect his desire not to threaten our relationship.
So, I have posted on a few sites seeking sex partners but I guess this just feels a little tougher than finding someone in real life that I have chemistry with, who is clearly interested in me. I feel a little awkward about the situation, but on the other hand, I would greatly value some relationships while H is out of town as I have a very high sex drive and he is gone for extended periods of time.
At this time, H has no plans to take other lovers. He says he is fully satisfied by me but if a situation arises, he will discuss it with me.
Does anyone have any suggestions or advice for a newbie? I'm looking for pretty much anything. I just finished reading the Ethical Slut and that was very helpful.