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Old 01-21-2012, 08:13 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Some people are emotionally capable of loving more than one person at the same time. Some people are not. If your husband is not capable of it, then in order for him to develop romantic feelings for another woman, he has to lose romantic feelings for you.

This is what worries me whenever poly folk "push" their partners into dating. If they were so inclined, they would explore the opportunity of their own volition. If a monoamorous person is pushed into dating, it can feel to them like they're being rejected.

If it's an exit strategy, he may not even be aware that he's doing it. He might sincerely be trying to experience the same thing you are. But if he's not wired that way, then it will only have one ending, which is him going off with the other girl and leaving you to your boyfriends. Well, that, or you give up on the poly idea and work on restoring the marriage the way he would prefer it to be.

... I also sense some codependency on his part. "Do what makes you happy even if it makes me miserable" is a classic sign of that. Cancelling your date nights and dropping communication could be a passive-aggressive coping technique he's using to protect himself.

I've found that "taking breaks to protect your primary" works best if you don't announce that you're doing it. That just makes them feel like you're trying to sacrifice your happiness for theirs. If you think taking a break from other relationships can help, you could try saying that you need some time to focus on yourself right now. Which isn't even a lie, because who can't use some time to focus on herself every now and then??
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 01-21-2012 at 08:23 AM.
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