Originally Posted by daisyboo
He seems to have latched on to Poly as a label for how he feels and wants me to comply so he can move his gf in.
I can understand him asking you to accept his love for this other woman. It's an incredibly poor way to enter poly, and you would be well within your rights to say no, and he should never have cheated, just as Lila's husband shouldn't go down the road of multiple relationships without the consent of all involved (not poly in my book so I won't call it that), but it's understandable to my mind for him to at least ask.
But for him to expect there to be any way for it to work for him to cheat and then want to move the woman into your home... I can't even grasp the thinking. It would create the most toxic environment if one person were miserable or even just resentful, and how could you not be?
Maybe you could provide some helpful perspective to this guy, who is in your husband's position: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=18602
The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.