Well, for starters, if he doesn’t have the time, money, or whatever to have a date night with you, he is gonna have a hard time justifying the time and effort he would have to put into wooing her.
Establishing a relationship with someone requires date nights. If she is considerate of your feelings and respectful of the fact that you are his wife, getting more date nights than you will really bother her. If she is not considerate of your feelings then she is not the right person for polyamory.
I am speaking from personal experience. He really needs to think about how he is going to be able to make time to build a relationship with her, and continue building the one he has already made a loving commitment to. No date nights in 4 years, that is the big red flag here. He has either got to make it a priority or not take on more.
My husband had gotten lazy about date nights, even getting him to sit and watch a movie with me was not possible. When we found our third, she absolutely insisted that he make every effort to spend time with me. I also wanted her to have a fulfilling relationship with him, my happiness depended on it. The relationship for all of us could not survive without it.
When I opened my mind my heart got bigger.
When we place preconceived expectations on those we love we neglect to consider their individual goals, needs and desires. We fail to respect them and love them for who they really are.
Last edited by pollyshari; 12-13-2011 at 09:11 AM.