This thread makes me smile every time it pops up.
All the books, and written theories, are so biased to the author`s natural inclinations. I kinda toss them out. If you want to gain a valuable, knowledgeable interpretation,..try it. Try it all.
Having been part of both 'worlds', I see many things. Some dictated by regional differences. Some dictated by club, or community outlooks.
I see fear-mongering by poly people towards what they think swinging is. Usually by people who haven never done it to any extent to truly form a valid opinion.
I also see the exact same thing with swinging. Swingers who think poly people are crazy, and foolish for letting things go 'so far'.
The truth is,..there are various aspects on both sides. In poly, you have folks new to it, who use DADT, and OPP rules, or stick to unicorns,.....This is usually a beginner phase, and people branch from there.
In swinging you have this too. People who start out with soft swing, refuse to see others more then once, refuse emotional involvement, and refuse to date separately.
The most 'poly' relationship I ever had, was started 10 years ago, with 2 couples we met at swinger clubs 6 of us became 'exclusive swingers' and all enjoyed each others lives both in the bedroom and out. We supported each other emotionally, and sometimes physically, when a helping hand was needed. Our children were friends and had sleepovers. Feelings were most definitely a part of the equation. That lasted 1 1/2 years and 2 years, respectfully. I`ve not been able to find anything like it, since.
I find the biggest disservice to both sides, happens when you try to regulate what THE OTHER side is. "Poly people only love'......'Swingers only care about sex.'
' Poly people are scared of sex, and swingers are scared of emotions.'
When this happens, you force people to choose. In the same manner a monogamous-world forces people to either be single, or be married.
Live and let live. Sheesh.