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sunnyskies 09-12-2011 04:30 PM

Hello!
 
Hello everyone! :)

I'm new here although have been reading posts periodically. Other than that I'm not quite sure where to start...

I've recently become single after spending all my early adult life in a very long term (wonderful!) monogamous relationship. The last few months entailed much soul searching by both of us, and we both realised that there were some aspects that meant we would be better apart, despite loving one another completely.

In this time I feel that I 'found' myself. I am happier/more content than I have ever been, despite being in various personal & professional situations simultaneously which have been hugely testing.

In terms of polyamory, this time has inevitably caused me to look deeply at myself and be completely honest. This has led to me recognising that a) I am somewhat interested in girls too, though I'm not sure if it this interest will ever be to the same extent as it is with men, having never tried! b) My nature is certainly polyamorous.

I cannot stop myself from loving more than one - unless I become a hermit! I tried that option and didn't like it. Having been open with myself & therefore able to discuss it with my (ex) partner, I accepted this, although I'm not ready for any relationship yet. I've not yet been interested in taking things further physically with more than one (basically because I have no interest whatsoever in causing hurt & have only been in monogamous relationships), but I have definitely had profound emotional bonds whilst in my previous relationship, the most recent being the most intense. I felt sordid and ashamed for this, whilst at the same time on top of the world. I questioned what to do, and discussed it with my partner (who incidentally just 'knew' without me having to say anything!). I also realised that I can be completely happy for someone I love also loving another (in whatever form that takes) - it took a long time to reach this conclusion, and I realise that in practice polyamory will throw as many 'issues' as monogamy has. But it feels right for me...This all helped to solidify the answer to the question I'd been asking myself - 'am I polyamorous?'.

In short, I feel that I've been able finally to be honest with myself and my (ex) partner and to fully love and accept us both - as well as many more people I come into/am in contact with. My attitude to everyone, I've found, has changed slightly which I fully put down to seeking out kindness & honesty to myself & others. I'm not perfect a lot of the time, but I try!

I have told a couple of people about my orientation (if that's the right word!) and discuss with many others my underlying feelings which caused me to reach this conclusion. I feel I've missed a lot out of this post really but to be fair there is plenty of time - I'd go on forever if I tried to squish it all into here!

Any thoughts/questions/hellos are very welcome!
x

curiouslyundefined 09-12-2011 11:58 PM

Hello
I'm a newbie as well, I havent even posted an intro yet lol. I just liked your post and thought id tell you. Isnt it great finding your truth! I Think the world becomes a happier more balanced place when people seek their truth. Anyway I suppose I better do my own proper intro before Iboycot yours too much:)

nycindie 09-13-2011 12:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunnyskies (Post 101910)
I'm not ready for any relationship yet. I've not yet been interested in taking things further physically with more than one (basically because I have no interest whatsoever in causing hurt & have only been in monogamous relationships), but I have definitely had profound emotional bonds whilst in my previous relationship, the most recent being the most intense.

Hi and welcome! There are a few of us "solo" poly people here (meaning that we're seeking polyamory on our own and not in a primary relationship nor opening up a marriage, etc. Or we're not seeking a primary relationship, preferring to take a more egalitarian approach to having multiple partners). I'm not sure if solo peeps are actually a minority in poly, but they're sure not as vocal here as much as married people are.

Anyway, it might be fun and/or enlightening for you to muse a little bit about what you would possibly want from living polyamorously. I started a thread for solo poly people to fantasize about their ideal situations -- feel free to add to it:

Solo poly people - what's your ideal?

sunnyskies 10-05-2011 10:13 PM

Thanks for your replies guys - sorry it took so long for me to respond (I can be a bit rubbish like that)!

Love,

Sunny


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