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  #81  
Old 03-18-2011, 11:12 PM
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River River is offline
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Perhaps this thread needs to be merged with this one: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3830 ??
Eh, I'm not so sure. One is explcitly about MEN, the other is broader and more inclusive in intent.

In any case, neither thread is seeing activity since last year. Which saddens me a little.

I wish the lurkers would speak up!
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  #82  
Old 03-19-2011, 04:21 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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OK OK!

Here I am, a queer/pansexual/panamorous woman formerly in a very long term monogamous relationship with a straight guy. I enjoyed het privilege galore for all those years.

Now, I am in a 2+year relationship with a MTF (male to female) transgendered woman, and we are polyamorous.

I can't find a guy who will enter into a more serious committed relationship with me, despite looking for that for 2 years. Not a straight guy, not a bi or pansexual guy, not a single guy, not a stable partnered poly guy. Of course, my lack of success is partly because my dating pool is narrower because of my gender (queer) my sexual preference (all genders), and my lovestyle (poly).

But part of it comes down the the trouble with guys (gay, bi or straight). Guys are just tough. In general (present company excluded) they don't feel comfortable expressing feelings, whether this is cultural, or somehow built in biologically. I've read it's partly brain chemistry. Because of men's long history as hunters and warriors, they've learned to be able to turn off feelings so they can carry on during a hunt or battle despite an injury, deprivation, or witnessing the horror of seeing comrades wounded or killed.

That said, most men are more comfortable expressing feelings, if they ever do, to a woman friend or mate. Sharing feelings with another dude? Nah, that makes them feel all ooshy and womanly. It's a sign of weakness! Let's just drink another beer, deal another hand of poker, and talk about sports, please!
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me: Mags, 58, living with:
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  #83  
Old 03-19-2011, 05:00 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Ah, the Kinsey 4 with NO experience whatsoever in the field of women, finding herself in what seems to be escalating into a situation where I am secondary to TWO straight guys! That is me alright.

My problem is exactly the opposite from yours, Magdlyn. Girls just don't fancy me. My animal magnetism isn't coming through to them. I go on dates, and I like them, but NOTHING ever comes out of it!

I've been told I should be more aggressive in showing my interest and pursuing women, because after all the heterosexist conditioning, women are loathe to take the initiative even with other women. Frankly, I don't know how aggressively you CAN express your interest before crossing over to sexual harassment!

My problem is not some sort of deficient socialization, for I have lots of female friends, including very close ones, and talk to girls on-line all the time. So obviously I'm likable but maybe not beddable to other women?
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  #84  
Old 03-19-2011, 11:55 PM
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.... Sharing feelings with another dude? Nah, that makes them feel all ooshy and womanly. It's a sign of weakness! Let's just drink another beer, deal another hand of poker, and talk about sports, please!
Ooooh, I LOVE feeling all ooshy with men! >Posting lawn sign to this effect<

....

I, too, am feeling challenged in finding men who are willing to be a little more ooshy.
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  #85  
Old 03-20-2011, 02:54 AM
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My problem is exactly the opposite from yours, Magdlyn. Girls just don't fancy me. My animal magnetism isn't coming through to them. I go on dates, and I like them, but NOTHING ever comes out of it!

I've been told I should be more aggressive in showing my interest and pursuing women, because after all the heterosexist conditioning, women are loathe to take the initiative even with other women. Frankly, I don't know how aggressively you CAN express your interest before crossing over to sexual harassment!

My problem is not some sort of deficient socialization, for I have lots of female friends, including very close ones, and talk to girls on-line all the time. So obviously I'm likable but maybe not beddable to other women?
Oh no, I have that problem as well, BU. Women so rarely message me on okc, and when they do, it usually quickly fizzles. Or they bore me, older women just wanting to prattle about their knitting or grandkids for hours... or they live 70 miles away. Or, sometimes, I am 95% sure they are actually a guy just looking to get off.

I think I'd do better in lesbian bars possibly. But I don't really do the club scene. Too expensive.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
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  #86  
Old 03-20-2011, 04:30 PM
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.... But I don't really do the club scene. Too expensive.
Buy one drink and sip it very, very slowly.
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  #87  
Old 03-22-2011, 01:08 PM
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I think I'd do better in lesbian bars possibly. But I don't really do the club scene. Too expensive.
Most lesbians and bi women I know say the same thing. Thus, they go for stuff like softball leagues, bowling, biking/hiking outings, coffee socials...stuff like that.
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  #88  
Old 03-22-2011, 01:26 PM
Vivien Vivien is offline
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Hi, all. Just adding myself to the list.
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  #89  
Old 03-22-2011, 02:55 PM
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Buy one drink and sip it very, very slowly.
Actually I've been chatting on on and off with this tv/transwoman person on okc for a while in a friendly way, and she's always wanted me to accompany her to this gay/les club up in NH. Now that my weekends are more free b/c of my gf seeing her bf overnight, Ive got more free time, and told her id take her up on the offer. the cover's only $5 and she said she'd pay. hehe She said everyone is very friendly there and lots of lesbians ask her to dance... so it would be fun to try my luck! I just need for her to find herself a free Sat night.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
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  #90  
Old 03-22-2011, 05:23 PM
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Magdlyn,

Remember, sip, don't gulp! And good luck.

====

Everyone, ... er.., guys:

Check out www.GayOutdoors.org . A good way to meet folks, I think.
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