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  #131  
Old 06-26-2011, 12:30 AM
thirstythirsty thirstythirsty is offline
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River, I'll join in the Yay! About this thread though... Let's not hurry to give theories about the gay men - let them speak for themselves. It might just be that we don't hear much from them 'cause we're not inviting them enough. And giving theories about how they work probably isn't helping that cause.

As to the original post about a folder for the bi's & queer's in here - I'd like it. I do love to talk to straight people, but the message "I'm totally OK with you guys" comes up a lot, and while I appreciate it, it'd be nice to sometimes have discussions that don't get so clogged up.
It's something about who have the need to speak their minds, and in what circles. I've learned to keep my mouth shut around straight guys, and it's sadly a habit that seeps over to other areas. I do love the straight people, but they haven't had that experience, and sometimes speak accordingly. It'd be nice with some corners for the more soft-spoken of us.

Second thought, looking at this rant, it's a bit weird to call me soft-spoken. But there it is.
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  #132  
Old 06-26-2011, 12:56 AM
Abstract Abstract is offline
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New to this, and new to here, but I read plenty of the post. I can see how a "sub-forum" would be very helpful.... It's a good idea : )
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  #133  
Old 06-26-2011, 10:46 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post
Same sex couples now have the legal right, and ability, to marry in New York state! Yay!
I hope this trend continues.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thirstythirsty View Post
River, I'll join in the Yay!
Woohoo!!! (Not that I plan on marrying ever again, but great for those who want to.)

Quote:

As to the original post about a folder for the bi's & queer's in here - I'd like it. ...It'd be nice with some corners for the more soft-spoken of us.
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Originally Posted by Abstract View Post
a "sub-forum" would be very helpful.... It's a good idea : )
It's not a subforum, but it's a group and it's already here.

Go to Community in the bar above.

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/group.php?groupid=3
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  #134  
Old 06-26-2011, 11:54 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Go New York! And it more than doubles the number of people in the US who have access to it now, so it's more that just "the sixth state" allowing it, it's a state with more population (queer or overall) than the previous five and DC combined!
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  #135  
Old 06-26-2011, 12:06 PM
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Interesting statistic, TB. Thanks!
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw

me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
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  #136  
Old 06-26-2011, 07:24 PM
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Are there any bi guys in here who have both a boyfriend and a girlfriend, husband and wife, or anything like that? Just curious.
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  #137  
Old 07-26-2011, 01:39 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Is bisexuality enough? Not really, I think. As a label, it's not highly useful. If somebody says to me they are gay/straight/lesbian, I understand that they are interested in and at least theoretically capable of sex, romance and long-term relationships with people who posses the gender identification of their choice.

Not so with "bisexuals". I know of all those fancy terms like "bicurious", "hetero/homoflexible", "bisexual lesbian", "pansexual" etc., but the sheer popularity of "bisexual" will ensure it's survival as an umbrella term that covers all the above variations and then some.

Are there genuine Kinsey 3's out there? Must be. But how many and how to tell them apart from the rest, if everyone's bisexual at least in principle, theoretically, never say never, "I fall for the person not the gender" -way?

Don't get me wrong. It's wonderful that more and more people don't auto-assume they're straight just because everyone else seems to be. But an intellectual nod to the bi potential in all of us is a far cry from actually being available for courting by both (all) genders.

What I really want to know is this; if a girl calls herself bisexual, does it mean she likes to kiss girls when she's drunk, enjoys threesomes with her boyfriend (because let's face it - he wouldn't do it with another guy for her), had a girly crush during her teenage years, has agreed on an OPP and really has no choice but to seek out other girls...?

When does bisexual mean "yes, I am open and willing to engage in long-term committed romantic relationships with members of both (and in the case of pansexual, any) genders"? Because frankly, I don't have time for the others. Casual has a lot of good to it, but I just don't want to sex up anyone who is a priori uninterested/unavailable for a relationship with me that goes beyond the hydraulics.
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  #138  
Old 07-26-2011, 05:17 PM
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It is my observation that a very large percentage of men who are bisexual are not also biamorous. At least not yet. They may have the potential to become biamorus, but they'd have to deal with their internalized homophobia and fear of intimacy with men.

A biamorous person can be both romantically and sexually attracted to persons of either sex. (That would be me.) But a bisexual person may not be romantically attracted/capable at all, or may only be capable and interested with one or the other sex.

A person can be bisexual and totally uninterested and/or incapable of 'romantic' loving. Many, many people substitute sex for love, and avoid emotional intimacy and bonding.

I suspect bisexual women are more often also biamorous than is the case with bisexual men. But this is just the results of a very informal and unscientific poll.

I'm also not terribly fond of the term "bisexual" as definitive for people like me, because so many bisexual people are just not like me at all, in that they may not include and involve loving relationship. Sex is not love!, and it's too bad we as a culture have put sex over love in defining ourselves.
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Last edited by River; 07-26-2011 at 05:23 PM.
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  #139  
Old 07-26-2011, 05:47 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
. . . an intellectual nod to the bi potential in all of us is a far cry from actually being available for courting by both (all) genders.

What I really want to know is this; if a girl calls herself bisexual, does it mean she likes to kiss girls when she's drunk, enjoys threesomes with her boyfriend (because let's face it - he wouldn't do it with another guy for her), had a girly crush during her teenage years, has agreed on an OPP and really has no choice but to seek out other girls...?
This may be an unpopular statement, but I do think that many, many women are "going bisexual" just to please the guys in their lives. Not saying that quite a lot of them wouldn't have found bi- or pansexuality on their own, but that individual exploration and discovery seems to be less and less, while doing it at the suggestion of a male partner seems to be happening more and more, from what I've seen here and elsewhere.

It is getting so prevalent that my first inclination is not to believe it when a woman who is currently involved with a man says she is bi, especially when they are looking for a "girl" (ugh!) to add to their relationship. I admit, it alarms me -- not the bisexuality, but the use of another person to satisfy their fantasies, AND a certain vibe that tells me there is a neediness on the woman's part for their male partner's approval -- so much that their own sexual ripening becomes tainted by it. I dislike the lack of a conscious choice. And when you do something just out of a co-dependent need to please, I think it always backfires. And is usually full of drama.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #140  
Old 07-27-2011, 07:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
This may be an unpopular statement, but I do think that many, many women are "going bisexual" just to please the guys in their lives.

It is getting so prevalent that my first inclination is not to believe it when a woman who is currently involved with a man says she is bi, especially when they are looking for a "girl" (ugh!) to add to their relationship.
Ditto. And when a woman tells me that they have an OPP in place but that she is free to date other "girls", I instinctively balk a little. It tells me that they really don't have a choice. It's okay if she is simply uninterested in dating other men, but not being able to do that because of the insecurities of the male partner?

First, as has been gone over this site a many times, statements like that totally denigrate the potential value and importance of lesbian relationships. Second, I've observed that although men might think that in principle, they wouldn't get jealous of a female partner dating another woman, it's when the relationship is no longer a potential fantasy but actually there, in your face, women suddenly become a lot more threatening and the guy starts closing ranks.
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