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  #31  
Old 03-29-2011, 02:49 PM
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Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
Hey Maca

Question............

How does your gut react when you see total strangers getting quite intimate in public ?
I thought I would answer this too cause I find it an interesting question. I could watch strangers have sex all day...but I don't even like watching my friends suck face. I don't normally feel any energy, especially sexual energy, from strangers but friendships open me up to a different level of energy exchange that disturbs me on a primal level. I don't like sharing sexual energy or having anyone else's (except a specific few) touch me. It's not jealousy, it's just disturbing....kinda icky.
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  #32  
Old 03-29-2011, 03:07 PM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I thought I would answer this too cause I find it an interesting question. I could watch strangers have sex all day...but I don't even like watching my friends suck face. I don't normally feel any energy, especially sexual energy, from strangers but friendships open me up to a different level of energy exchange that disturbs me on a primal level. I don't like sharing sexual energy or having anyone else's (except a specific few) touch me. It's not jealousy, it's just disturbing....kinda icky.
I find it an intriguing question too, and looking at it from the energy exchange angle as Mono has... very disturbing yes... that said... I don't have a problem with it myself, just a yes with some people and there relative closeness as well as physical proximity to me plays a huge part in the level of 'ickiness'.

for example:if I can hear verbal cues of lovemaking between people I know in the next room... icky... as that cues me to feel the energy flow, and well to be blunt I will end up either frustrated (I ain't getting any action ) or completely turned off (just didn't need to hear it), watching it - would take it onto a much deeper level of ickiness, as would the closer relationship (to me) of the people involved... whereas across the other side of the house - not a biggie, even across the room can be fine (the degree of affection plays a part here too)

I am however, highly empathic (except when highly stressed and deliberately blocking myself from others) and suspect that others who find it disturbing (whether arousing or shutting down from it) would also be empathic... I could be way off with that though, and of course there are those that would find it disturbing for cultural/moral/other reasons
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  #33  
Old 03-29-2011, 04:03 PM
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My friends, a couple deeply in love, are very affectionate with each other. This always makes me smile, though one time he was kissing her stomach with loud smoochy noises and I asked him to stop because that was just a little too much. It was the noise that got to me.

I also dislike being in close proximity to people (strangers or otherwise) playing tonsil hockey or dry humping in public.

Generally, I stick to the same kinds of affection with my guys that I would show my daughter. Quick pecks, non-sexual caresses, hand-holding, hugs and casual cuddles, that sort of thing. The exception is kisses hello and goodbye.

Thumper and I tend to peck for hellos and goodbyes, but we part and meet many times a day. T-Rex I see less often, so goodbye kisses in particular tend to linger a bit more.
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  #34  
Old 03-30-2011, 12:04 AM
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Didn't we have another thread about public affection?
As I think I said here, I'm French and to me kissing is French kissing. For me quick pecks are more of a "parent kissing their kid" kind of thing. So if you say "kissing in public" or "a couple kissing" or things like that, I'll always think of "normal kissing" which for me is French kissing.

I'm specifying that because Penny's post right above mine says "kissing is fine" and later specify French kisses aren't, which is always confusing to read for me as I read it like someone in North America would read "kissing is fine, but not if your lips are touching" (and yes, that's possible, if you kiss each other's cheek for instance).

Anyway, for me, French kissing is, as I said, the normal way to kiss, and something I've done in public, in front of my family (brothers, parents, grandparents) and so on without thinking about it. It's a non-issue in France and I used to see couples French kissing on my way to school or work pretty much every day in the bus or subway. It always puts a smile on my face as it's similar, to me, to hearing them say "I love you" or seeing them hug.

I really need to get used to the fact that it's not the same here. I think the people who were offended when seeing pictures of me kissing my boyfriend would have been less so if it had just been a peck. But giving pecks just isn't natural to me. I know Raga was about pecks a lot, but being given pecks so often made me start giving them more often too and more naturally.
You might wonder why it might be a bad thing, but what I meant is that I would start giving them to my coworkers, my boss, my family members, etc. I always managed to stop before actually giving the peck, but most people were weirded out and I had to explain to them what happened.
It's just not a romantic sign of affection to me, just a sign of affection period. I think the most telling thing is that I would almost-peck females just as well as males, while I'm very straight and might not even want to hold hands with a female unless I knew her extremely well.
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  #35  
Old 03-30-2011, 12:16 AM
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Didn't we have another thread about public affection?
Yes, this one is an old thread, that I brought back up because it remains an unresolved tension in our relationship.

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  #36  
Old 03-30-2011, 03:16 AM
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@tonberry- you can find a thread on affection that I started by doing a tag search for "public affection"
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  #37  
Old 03-30-2011, 10:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
I'm specifying that because Penny's post right above mine says "kissing is fine" and later specify French kisses aren't, which is always confusing to read for me as I read it like someone in North America would read "kissing is fine, but not if your lips are touching" (and yes, that's possible, if you kiss each other's cheek for instance)
French kissing in public is not as acceptable here, but when I referred to tonsil hockey, I meant long, really noisy French kissing. It's the loud sloppy noises that bother me personally.

Americans generally don't touch each other as often as people in other countries. We tend to be a bit uptight, insular, and touch deprived.

My tolerance for public affection is on the high side among adults in my area.
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  #38  
Old 03-30-2011, 04:03 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Originally Posted by Penny View Post
French kissing in public is not as acceptable here, but when I referred to tonsil hockey, I meant long, really noisy French kissing. It's the loud sloppy noises that bother me personally.
Ah, yes, that I can understand. I always feel that people who are really disturbed by displays of affection can just look away, but the flipside is to keep that option for them (so, not be loud as you can't "listen away", not do it in a crowded place where people can't look away easily if they want to, not do it in the middle of the way, etc)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Penny View Post
Americans generally don't touch each other as often as people in other countries. We tend to be a bit uptight, insular, and touch deprived.
I'm not sure that's true. I think it's just in different context. People in the US hug, they call each other by first names and nicknames a lot (including clerks and people on the phone calling you for deals, etc). That doesn't happen in France. Hugging is intimate and for very close relationships, and you call people "sir" or "madam" even if you've known them for yours unless they tell you you can use their first name.
The Internet is one exception where people are more familiar and use the informal "you", but otherwise that's pretty much a no-no.

I know speech isn't the same as touch, so the second part might not seem to address the point, but I just wanted to show that it's just about culture, and different things being okay in different place, in my opinion.

I'm sorry the problem isn't getting better. I don't think I would feel very comfortable having to actively resist being affectionate with a partner. I might be able to tone it down, but it seems my "tone it down" is already most people "too much" here in North America :S
But obviously I'm not being very helpful here... I wish I could help more.
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  #39  
Old 04-02-2011, 03:50 AM
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I think you will need and deserve a lot of reassurance. I think you will have less of a problem with their affection when you are reassured and can trust them more.
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