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  #11  
Old 05-17-2011, 05:47 AM
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Wow,..amazing story for sure. I am glad you found some solice in your friend`s arms.

Take what you two did, for the healing properties it was meant to give. Now talk to other women, and form some friendships.

This serves two purposes. I think you can have both worlds. Keeping the friendship with your dear friend. Show her patience, the way she has shown you,..(which I think part of you desires) but also being open to other possibilities, and that will probably relax the husband. If he got a kick out of the sex,...that is a great bonus for him.

If you keep your options open, and forge more friendships,..Over time,..things may change, and you might be able to have more with the friend. Or not. Either way, you have been liberated in a way, and can step forward, and enjoy new friendships.

Note for clarity: 'cuckhold' is originally meant to be a derogatory term. Now its more a humiliation/submission thing. Meaning 'forced' to watch, participate, or be humiliated by the wife having sex with others.

Men who enjoy their wives being elsewhere, experience a sexual surge in a alpha-like reclaiming of their spouse. This is a lot different then a cuckhold fetish,...This situation sounds more like the latter of the two.

Last edited by SourGirl; 05-17-2011 at 02:59 PM. Reason: poor typing when I am tired.
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  #12  
Old 05-17-2011, 06:31 AM
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I would wonder how much this man cares about you. It sounds like she does and did, but I think she over looked what her husbands thoughts were. It doesn't sound like he is empathetic so much as only seeing what he gets out of this... now wham, there might be more to it? "But I don't get anything out of there being more!"

Again, move on. I agree with sourgirl, there might be a chance of more sex times with her, but perseverating on being with her is not healthy or realistic... moving on is what I would do.
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  #13  
Old 05-17-2011, 09:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
. . . being with her is not healthy or realistic... moving on is what I would do.
But why, RP? She has been patient and kind, they have a friendship, and now have developed physical intimacy between them, which has played a large part in the OP's healing and fear of women. The only issue, it seems, is her husband, and if he is reassured that romance is not happening, why should the OP move on? I don't see it at the point where he should protect himself that way yet.


CB (and I'm sorry I doubted you - the story is just so amazing, for lack of a better word right now), this woman has served as your healer, in much the same way as a revered Temple Prostitute from ancient times, soothing and nurturing a man's broken body and spirit with sex. Sometimes people come into our lives for specific reasons and are not meant to be more than that. Sex can be simply a form of communication and connection between two people -- and quite healing -- and you can have a loving quality to your friendship, but perhaps letting deeper feelings grow toward her would not be wise.


I think you can continue with this relationship if you stay level-headed and let the husband know it is primarily physical for you and a positive aspect of your friendship with her, but not a romance. Let him know you respect their marriage and your place in her life.


I do, however, agree with Sourgirl that, while you continue seeing her, it would behoove you to start venturing out into developing friendships with other women so that she is not the sole female focus of your life. Take the healing your friend has given you and make use of it. There are other good women out there.
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Last edited by nycindie; 05-17-2011 at 09:38 AM.
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  #14  
Old 05-17-2011, 11:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SourGirl View Post
Note for clarity: 'cuckhold' is originally meant to be a derogatory term. Now its more a humiliation/submission thing. Meaning 'forced' to watch, participate, or be humiliated by the wife having sex with others.

Men who enjoy their wives being elsewhere, experience a sexual surge in a alpha-like reclaiming of their spouse. This is a lot different then a cuckhold fetish,...This situation sounds more like the latter of the two.
Thanks for the clarification!

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
...this woman has served as your healer, in much the same way as a revered Temple Prostitute from ancient times, soothing and nurturing a man's broken body and spirit with sex. Sometimes people come into our lives for specific reasons and are not meant to be more than that. Sex can be simply a form of communication and connection between two people -- and quite healing -- and you can have a loving quality to your friendship, but perhaps letting deeper feelings grow toward her would not be wise.
My meager experiences with this type of healing concur strongly with what Indie wrote. In my case it was definitely for the better that the relationship was limited in duration, and both new it beforehand, so there were protections in place for too intense feelings developing.
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  #15  
Old 05-17-2011, 02:49 PM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
But why, RP? She has been patient and kind, they have a friendship, and now have developed physical intimacy between them, which has played a large part in the OP's healing and fear of women. The only issue, it seems, is her husband, and if he is reassured that romance is not happening, why should the OP move on? I don't see it at the point where he should protect himself that way yet.
I see more issues than the husband. I see a man that has not been intimately close with a woman for many years and was in fact terrified of women. This indicates to me that he may transfer all of that lost energy on to her in the form of extreme emotion, connection, lust, bonding and possibly obsession. I think that might become unhealthy in terms of being a realistic possibility and in terms of mental health... not only that I think this woman was not entirely in a position to pull this off and took advantage of the fact that her husband was getting off on the prospect. She used that to get her own way here. There is a significant lack of balance here that is a red flag to me... an unstable and damaged man and a husband with a kink who is completely oblivious to what could happen and a woman that wants to be a rescuer at all cost. I think all have blurry vision and that really concerns me.

That being said, I could be completely wrong and all is fine and dandy and they will all live happily every after once all the drama dies down... Meh, could happen.

I don't entirely agree with myself, but I am offering the alternative perspective. One that I think is worth investigating and being aware of. Relationship possibilities have imploded on here for far less no? This man's major trauma from his past is what had sent up huge red flags....

cb123, please realize that I don't say these things because I don't care and want to flame you. I say them out of concern. Please take it as such. I wish nothing but the best for you, sometimes that means being honest about I feel/think in order to express that. I am someone listening to you from the outside. I am not much of a romantic about these things and while your story was lovely, I don't see it like a fairy tale situation. I see it from a point of realism. I think I am being rational. I guess I'm trying to be practical. I'm not an idealist when it comes to relationships such as what you are addressed with. If you wish to ignore and avoid the possibilities I have presented that is your choice...

good luck.
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  #16  
Old 05-17-2011, 04:03 PM
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Hmm, well, I don't think it's necessarily a weird fetish to pursue someone because you sense they need healing. And yeah, her hubs gets off on it, but it seems lots of husbands do get into that. However, all these things I quoted below seem to indicate that she went about getting involved very slowly and patiently, over a long period of time, with much concern for the OP's feelings. That's why I think, even though it is still a good idea to develop other friendships with women, that this relationship doesn't seem like she's using him or like it's harmful. Maybe I'm missing something here?

Quote:
Originally Posted by cb123 View Post
She knew my story and was always there for me. She never pressed the issue with me and went out of her way to make me comfortable which was no small feat. ...

She asked me if I would be interested in a “friends with benefits” arrangement. ...

She promised that if I was willing, we would go as slow as we had to go.

She told me that she ... would ask her husband for permission to date me. She made it clear that without his permission she would not do anything. ...

After a week or so she called me to tell me he had given her permission, on the condition that I get STD tested and prove that I had had a vasectomy.

...she met me several times to talk about how I was feeling and make sure I was comfortable with this arrangement, etc....

We talked a while and she eventually told me that if I wasn’t ready she was fine with that and she would be content just holding me. I will admit that I was scared but I was also hornier than I had been in memory. ...

she was whispering to me that she wouldn’t hurt me...

...how patient she had been with me and how much she had cared to have waited on me until I was ready for this....

Even without the sex she has been a very good friend to me...
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  #17  
Old 05-17-2011, 11:40 PM
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Ugh... men. So, her h was fine with you 2 having a very close friendship. And then he started to get into the idea of having sex with her right after you do. So, he gave the go ahead. And then, as soon as he got his rocks off by eating your semen out of her, he then said he was against you two having feelings for each other?

Thinking with his little head.

And you, in so vulnerable a position. It's very sad.

(If it's all true, which I still do not quite believe.)
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