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Old 08-02-2011, 02:49 AM
Blondie2 Blondie2 is offline
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 8
Default What to do??

If anyone can give some insight I'd really appreciate it.

I've been involved with a guy for the last 4 months, who is polyamorous. He is still fairly new to this. When I first met him he told me he's polyamorous and that's fine with me.

In fact, he has a steady live-in girlfriend - I've met her. That was fine.

Anyway, we have been involved with one another for the last 4 months and during that time, we've been intimate with one another but not had full-on sex. At first, I didn't want full-on sex with him as I'm interested in creating a friendship relationship with him and maybe later, friends with benefits.

The thing is, I've now decided that I can't have full-on sex with him and I've told him that. I've also told him on numerous ocassions that my friendship with him is the most important and he tells me he 'gets it'.

However, during the last 4 months, when I did previously mention that I wanted sex with him, he backed off as he was afraid that I'd get attached to him. He has also previously said that one minute he wants to have sex with me and the next minute, he doesn't. The other day, we were intimate with one another and during that time he said "You know it's ok for us to just be friends?"

I reiterated to him that that is why a friendship with him is most important to me and again he said he 'gets it'.

At the moment, it seems to me that we are going around in circles with this relationship. We have spent time together without being intimate and it's been great.

I've told him what I want from him, but he's never actually told me what he wants with/from me. He seems to just leave it up to me to tell him what I want and he 'gets it'.

I've tried arranging for us both to get together, but he ignores that. In the last few days, I've suggested that if he wants to get together then he should let me know. Whether he does or not is another matter.

The thing is, I really care about this guy and I want to keep the lines of communication open, however, I can't keep prompting him to do things with me. When we first got together, he would contact me and ask to get together, but now that isn't really the case.

So, do I back off for a while and see what happens, or do I stay in contact with him regularly to ask how he's doing etc, etc?. I think this is what people who are true friends would do and do do. I don't want to walk away, but at the same time, I can't be too pushy.

Feeling a bit confused right now. Any help/advise is appreciated.

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Old 08-02-2011, 04:40 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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He sounds like the kind of guy that always backs away when a woman wants him and then wants her when she backs away. Ugh. I would leave him alone and see what happens.
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Old 08-02-2011, 05:08 AM
Blondie2 Blondie2 is offline
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 8

Hi nycindie,

Thanks for your comment. I totally agree. Not only do I feel like I'm telling him the same thing over and over regarding creating a friendship with him, from what you have said, I picture it as us doing a 'dance' back and forth but without actually coming together.

Despite this, I know he has a lot of good in him as a person, but I guess he just doesn't know what he wants and is keeping his thoughts to himself.

I will leave him alone and see what happens, for sure. I'm certainly not going to be pushy as that definitely won't work.

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Old 08-02-2011, 06:25 AM
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It could also be that the moment is lost. The fun NRE wore off and now its kinda, well, whateverish ya know? He just isn't all that into you that way I think, so let it alone and just be friends. Why put pressure on it when its not important. My guess is you have a friend.
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Old 08-02-2011, 05:23 PM
Blondie2 Blondie2 is offline
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 8

Hi Redpepper,

Thanks for your reply. Yes, that is what I'm not going to do, push anything. That's why I told him I want to be friends. I've told him that before so it's not like he doesn't know that that is what I want.

I've asked him to let me know if he wants to get together with me and I'm leaving it up to him to decide.

Of course, it goes both ways, when you are friends with someone, ie, arranging to get together, etc, but I'm not going to be the one to constantly initiate things.

He told me from the beginning that he's in an open relationship and I'm totally cool with that, so I know I'm not the only one he's going to give attention to.

Thanks so much for your input
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