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  #21  
Old 08-17-2011, 04:58 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Originally Posted by loving3 View Post
That is what we are looking for. My husband and I are looking for a fun loving female, that wants to be a equal part of our family. We do not want a 3 sum - one night stand. We want to find a female that would like to live with us and become a complete 3 - Couple! The life of a married couple but of 3! We have tried friends, and it never seems to be more than a one night stand. We are looking for someone that would like to talk about there day over supper or just relaxing snuggling and laugh about our day in bed..
A lot of couples want this. It's a really nice fantasy to have. It rarely happens though because the more people you add the more personalities and emotions you add. Although 3 adults can happily live as a family under one roof it is rare that they will all be equally in love with each other. There may very well be love in all directions but be prepared that you may not all feel romantic love for each other.

Like RP said earlier, walk side by side with each other while you both go on your path to developing other relationships. You are 2 individuals who are part of a relationship, you are not a unit. You both have desires and personalities and preferences. Celebrate your differences. Enjoy the people who come into your life in whichever form they are in your life. Enjoy the people for who they are. Maybe you will wind up in a triad and maybe you won't.

PSA brought to you by a reformed unicorn hunter
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  #22  
Old 08-17-2011, 05:12 PM
loving3 loving3 is offline
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I agree, no relationship has any guarantees - They are all work. We have been friends since we were children, went our different ways and have come back together as a family. We have a good life and a good relationship. We just want to have more, we want to add to our love and family. I have a big family, he does not. I do feel there will be some challenges, but what relationship don't have them. And with every challenge, there is talk and listening to work it through.
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  #23  
Old 08-17-2011, 06:52 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Originally Posted by MadameSyrinx View Post
Am I doing something wrong?
Nope.

Unicorn hunters are typically folks looking for a sex toy to spice up their marriages or a substitute for the therapy needed to shore up their failing relationship. Unicorn hunting, by and large (though not universally), a sign that the couple really isn't ready for this poly thing.

If you really want to get involved with a couple, I'll suggest wooing each of the two individually. My wife and I don't date as a couple nor arrive as a matched set, so the only way to get involved with both of us would be to pitch woo to us individually. I suspect that doing so with couples who aren't searching for a unicorn will prove more satisfactory.
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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  #24  
Old 08-18-2011, 01:56 AM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is online now
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i also agree to look separately. i wonder if it would be easier for f/f couple to find a good man?
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  #25  
Old 08-18-2011, 12:30 PM
CranberryStardust CranberryStardust is offline
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Whoa...I can relate! I just entered into a relationship with a couple for the first time, but I have nagging concerns that I am opening myself up and hoping for something meaningful and real...and they might only ever see me as a fun sexual "add on" to their real life.

I'm tired of being used in general. It's fine if everyone involved is using each other in the same way, but hurts when you're the one wanting more. When I was twenty, being an object was fun and almost flattering...now it makes me feel kind of hollow. Like I'm not real, you know? Literally an object.

I hope you find something healthy and fulfilling and all the love you need. There surely are couples out there who sincerely wish to open more than just their bedrooms to girls like us.
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  #26  
Old 08-18-2011, 03:19 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
Although 3 adults can happily live as a family under one roof it is rare that they will all be equally in love with each other. There may very well be love in all directions but be prepared that you may not all feel romantic love for each other.
This is such an important point! Families don't need romantic love to hold them together. And romantic love, too, comes in different shapes and sizes.

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Originally Posted by Inyourendo View Post
i also agree to look separately. i wonder if it would be easier for f/f couple to find a good man?
Not necessarily. While there probably is a larger pool of unattached straight/bisexual men out there interested in a fmf triad, the likelihood of mutual attraction happening at the same time in all directions remains small.

Take VanillaIce and me. Whereas she craves male companionship, I don't; in a sense she is bisexual while I'm homoflexible. So there would be the challenge of us finding a man I would find interesting enough to engage with on a romantic basis. Add to that the fact that we are attracted to very different things in a man; she prefers bad boys while I delight in men who have stereotypically femine pursuits or traits. And even if we were to find a chameleon of a man who is switch enough (personality-wise, not in a BDSM sense) to fit into our dynamique, he would still have to find us both attractive, interesting and worth his while to pursue.

Vanilla is funkily enough FWBs with my male partner Moonlightrunner. Whereas with Vanilla, I have this head-over-heels NRE thing going on, with Moonlight we settled very quickly in to a lot more established energy. I used to be in a triad with Moonlight and his wife Windflower, to whom I nowadays feel the loving care and concern I would towards a friend. Just because it's not the Hollywood romance times three doesn't mean it can't be great.
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  #27  
Old 12-05-2012, 02:45 PM
curiouscpl2 curiouscpl2 is offline
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Default lonley

Hey sorry to hear what you are going threw, we have the opposite issue we would love to find someone like you. My wife wants me to find someone she can hang out with outside the bedroom that can share our lives with us in and out of the bedroom. Maybe we arent looking in the right places or we live in the wrong place but it seems much harder than it would appear..
best of luck everyone
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  #28  
Old 12-05-2012, 07:37 PM
EVEMSW EVEMSW is offline
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Talking Thoughts regarding "unicorns"

I too am sorry to hear that you have had such a hard time finding a couple that you fit with. It can be very frustrating and I don't understand why some couples don't just look for people that are looking for play partners instead of pretending to want a relationship. I did the play thing for a couple of years while I was healing from a bad divorce. Then I met a wonderful man whois amazing and has everything I want in a man. Only issue, I'm Bi and need a feamle in my life as well. I would love to have a female that would love us both... As an equal in the relationship understanding that you can love more than one person and it may be different but as good and deep as you love the other person.

He and I have played with a few women that were good friends but just looking to play and we both realized that's not what we want... There really isn't anything missing from our relationship and no reason to settle or swing so to speak, we are both past that. We want love... All the way around. So just remember there are couples out there that want a real woman with all her emotions, needs and desires.
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