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  #11  
Old 05-11-2011, 05:56 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Sex can be recreational and fun. Although the kind of sex that you mention (the complete absence of feelings) usually happened when I was seriously inebriated...

Hubby and I used to swing. We have had an open type relationship. We have engaged in 3somes and moresomes. It was fun. Just like swimming or skiing or dancing can be fun. But when done - everyone goes home and either there's a personal connection or there's not - but we're all heading back to our lives.

Sex can also be incredibly emotional and connective. I have experienced that "want to crawl up inside you and be part of you" sex with one person - my hubby.

I don't know if there's something inherently WRONG in my brain chemistry - but I don't need love to have and enjoy sex. The two are not intrinsically connected for me. Sex is a phyiscal act that is fun and satisfying.

But what happens between my hubby and I... is much more.
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  #12  
Old 05-11-2011, 06:29 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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That's interesting because my hubs and I did have the occasional threesome, but it was always with people we already KNEW, so there was a connection. With one friend it worked out well because she was a super cool person anyway and she was in tune with both of us. Very fun, but still, like three friends that decided to do something different that day.

One of the others-- not so much. She turned out to be not so interested in me sexually, but pretended to be-- or probably more accurately, was one of those "I kiss other girls to make the guys hot" ladies. The sex was uneven and I got really uncomfortable because of that. Now, had she just been more forthcoming, we could have just tag-teamed hubs and I would have been fine. But it was the "feeling snubbed" part that hurt, and in the middle of a sexual encounter, that doesn't go over so well.

We never really did swinging, though we did go to a swing club once for New Year's Eve. Hubs liked the open atmosphere, however he didn't really want strangers coming up to me, so we learned quickly that wasn't going to be something we could do. We didn't really meet anybody we were compatible with (i.e. would hang out anywhere else) either, so that's probably a big part.

Still... I have to at least LIKE the person, and to do that I have to know them on some level.
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  #13  
Old 06-17-2011, 05:49 AM
swingers swingers is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Seems to me there are a lot of people coming here who have formerly IDed as swingers, but found themselves falling in love with a partner, which then causes jealousy in their primary.

There must be swingers out there who are able to keep emotions out of sex, for extended periods of time. I guess we wouldn't see them here, though. Maybe it is easier for men, who are trained to ignore their emotions almost from birth.

But it seems biology is against those that attempt swinging, FWBs, NSAs, and even unicorn type arrangements. It's well known that having sex with someone causes a release of oxytocin, which is the primary hormone involved in mammal bonding. How can we fight nature?
we have been swining for 4 years. neither of us have fallen for any of our playmates. so im guessing we are that fluke you are looking for. we keep swining recreational and know that we are the ones that we come home to. so far jellous free the whole way.

i believe the reason y you cant find swingers that keep emotions out of it in a POLY FORUM is becuas of just that fact that your in a poly forum. people that end up seeking out this type of forum probably couldnt keep emotions out of the way.
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  #14  
Old 06-17-2011, 06:34 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by swingers View Post
people that end up seeking out this type of forum probably couldnt keep emotions out of the way.
Um, sorry, but you seem to be seeing this a bit squewed and are coming off a bit cocky and pompous to me.

Wow, do you think swinging is in some way superior...? HA!

You have some nerve saying that here if you believe that to be true!

You know you are on a poly forum right? not a swinging one...?

Some people here hold no value to swinging at all, and/or have never done it because there is no appeal to them to participate in sport sex... so to be told that they are in some way a failure because they have emotions when they have sex, is well, just plain rude and disrespectful no? It's like saying someone is inferior because they don't enjoy hockey!
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Last edited by redpepper; 06-17-2011 at 06:46 AM. Reason: added smileys in case I am taken too seriously.
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  #15  
Old 06-17-2011, 06:40 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Um, I didn't see this post as rude at all. He's just making an observation and pretty much saying the same thing Mags is:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
There must be swingers out there who are able to keep emotions out of sex, for extended periods of time. I guess we wouldn't see them here, though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by swingers View Post
i believe the reason y you cant find swingers that keep emotions out of it in a POLY FORUM is becuas of just that fact that your in a poly forum. people that end up seeking out this type of forum probably couldnt keep emotions out of the way.
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  #16  
Old 06-17-2011, 06:42 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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hm, maybe your right... It was the "couldn't" that threw me... In the context of what mags says though it takes on a different meaning... thanks for pointing that out.
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  #17  
Old 06-17-2011, 11:20 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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RP seems to be on the defensive.

@swingers: Thanks for your input, interesting point. It almost seems you are implying it takes work for swingers to keep emotions at bay with their sexual partners. Feelings would arise naturally and precautions must be made to keep the act purely physical and not (naturally, hormonally) emotional.

I found this to be the case with a swinger (T) my gf and I had sex with earlier this year. She was my gf's ex, and they used to swing a bit 10 years ago. T came out and told us that she purposely doesn't kiss other swingers while fucking, because kissing makes her feel those unwanted fond feelings. Oddly, she then proceeded to enthusiastically kiss me, my gf and my other lover that joined us that night. Maybe because she knew we were poly and she wanted to try that on for size.
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  #18  
Old 06-19-2011, 10:22 PM
swingers swingers is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Um, I didn't see this post as rude at all. He's just making an observation and pretty much saying the same thing Mags is:
thank you Nycindie was just trying to show you the idea from another (open minded) prosepctive.

and no, i wasnt trying to say that swining was supirior. just stating that it takes a special kind of person to be sucessful in it, just as it taks a special type of person to understand and expierence the poly life as well. this world takes all kinds, and none of us are any better than the other. we are all equal... so share the love

Last edited by swingers; 06-19-2011 at 10:25 PM.
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  #19  
Old 06-20-2011, 02:13 AM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
It's like saying someone is inferior because they don't enjoy hockey!
HOW DARE YOU REJECT HOCKEY!!! How can you even be human, much less Canadian!!! For Shame RP!!!!










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