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  #11  
Old 05-10-2011, 09:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Masquerade78 View Post
I'm also fiercely aware that I don't want to hurt him and I'm feeling guilty for emotions toward another man, but it seems to be better to be honest and accept that these feelings exist, rather than try to bury them x
What immediately came to my mind in reading the above sentence of yours is this: Loving someone is nothing to be ashamed of. It is the highest, purest expression of being human. So, hold your head high. You are human and have feelings, it's that simple.

It's the contracts we make that can be unreasonable and create problems. Fear of losing someone indicates attachment and possessiveness. He needs to feel secure in your love for him, so he can do away with wanting to hold onto it (you) and know you will be with him of your own accord. With compassion and honesty, it will work it all out.
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Last edited by nycindie; 05-10-2011 at 09:59 AM.
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  #12  
Old 05-10-2011, 10:25 AM
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I also need to remember what my husband enjoys and finds pleasure from, and find a happy medium x
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  #13  
Old 05-10-2011, 02:32 PM
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It can take some time, but it sounds like you are on the right path. Honest and open communication really is a good start I think, as well as a doze of empathy for him.

Have you looked at the "lessons" and "foundations" threads? They might help give both of you some ideas on how to build a good start to this journey.
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  #14  
Old 05-11-2011, 06:56 AM
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I will check them out. I think alarm bells are ringing now though as I don't want it to be turned around and used against me :-/
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  #15  
Old 05-12-2011, 11:46 PM
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What I'm currently concerned about is that I'm using my relationship with my friend as escapism - as a band aid to make the strains of daily life bearable. My husband knows that I love him, not as father or husband but as a person. I'm on anti-deps cos life is hard and I'm worried that if my friend takesme away from all this, I'm not addressing the deeper issues. Maybe poly isn't for me, and I need to address the deeper issues :-S
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  #16  
Old 05-12-2011, 11:50 PM
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I would add that I don't actually wish to be 'pimped out' by my husband!
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  #17  
Old 05-13-2011, 01:46 AM
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It might not be for you. It doesn't matter really, its all about discovering and growing. The labels aren't important anyway, its all what is going on inside of you. Checking in and staying true to yourself is all that matters. You are your own primary.
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  #18  
Old 05-13-2011, 03:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
I sometimes think people forget this "love bubble" is actually pretty small.
I'm probably being dense, but it seems like there's something very important in this sentence and I'm not getting it.

Would you please elaborate?

Thanks.
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  #19  
Old 05-13-2011, 03:33 AM
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Originally Posted by Masquerade78 View Post
I'm also fiercely aware that I don't want to hurt him and I'm feeling guilty for emotions toward another man, but it seems to be better to be honest and accept that these feelings exist, rather than try to bury them x
+1000

I kept my feelings secret from my wife for more than a decade, and it made me miserable, ate alive with guilt (despite never getting physical with anyone), shame, self-hatred, and a feeling that I didn't deserve her. It came to permeate every waking moment, and was always in my mind, spoiling (for me) otherwise wonderful time we spent together.

Bottling this up will drive you apart, not keep you close together.
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  #20  
Old 05-13-2011, 05:59 PM
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Are you still with your wife if you don't mind be asking? What if I'm looking for someone else, to tolerate the things in my marriage I'm not happy with? Being happy with the addition of someone else to as escapism. I want to love them both but I think it may be for the wrong reasons :-/
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