Total Newbie

[SolShine]

Hi there. This is my first time on a forum and my first polyamorous relationship so I am new to everything which is a bit overwhelming to say the least.

I introduced my boyfriend of five years to the idea of bringing another woman to be part of our relationship as an equal partner and we are now dating for about two weeks at this point. I have been perusing the forum to have questions answered as I have Many so if anyone has any advice to throw my way please do so!

Thanks for reading my first post.

-Sol

[MrFarFromRight]

My first advice is to let us know more about your situation. It's hard for others to know what to comment on if you don't start the ball rolling.

Having said that, there is one point in your post that I want to pick up:

Originally Posted by SolShine

I introduced my boyfriend of five years to the idea of bringing another woman to be part of our relationship as an equal partner and we are now dating for about two weeks at this point.

How quickly are you moving on this "equal partners" idea? It sounds wonderful in theory, but I would have thought that - unless she's somebody that you've both know as a close friend for a long time - it would be fairly risky to jump into "equal partners" between 2 people who've been together for 5 years and a 3rd who's 2 weeks into the relationship.

More details and more of your thoughts, please...

[AutumnalTone]

Welcome aboard. I 'll suggest posting for advice and feedback on the New to Poly board.

[SolShine]

Well about the person who has joined our relationship; she and my boyfriend have been good friends for perhaps 8 years and a friend of mine for around 4. I felt that if it was more of an equal partnership between the three of us that wouldn't exclude her and make her feel as if she is not part of a cohesive relationship, as if to say that she were not as important. you bringing up this question has certainly made me take a third look at that kind of setup. I feel that if I choose for my boyfriend and I to be the primary and she be the secondary relationship that I'd be choosing that out of jealousy perhaps. Why I say this is because if I would suggest the way we are doing things at this time isn't going to work and I'd like to try it this other way that it would be because I was insecure for my relationship with the bf. Just even writing it out and taking it out of my head makes me question if it were not an equal partnership wouldn't more jealousy arise from perhaps all parties?

[SolShine]

Thank you AutumnalTone I will begin to post in that thread area.

[MrFarFromRight]

Originally Posted by SolShine

Well about the person who has joined our relationship; she and my boyfriend have been good friends for perhaps 8 years and a friend of mine for around 4. I felt that if it was more of an equal partnership between the three of us that wouldn't exclude her and make her feel as if she is not part of a cohesive relationship, as if to say that she were not as important. you bringing up this question has certainly made me take a third look at that kind of setup. I feel that if I choose for my boyfriend and I to be the primary and she be the secondary relationship that I'd be choosing that out of jealousy perhaps. Why I say this is because if I would suggest the way we are doing things at this time isn't going to work and I'd like to try it this other way that it would be because I was insecure for my relationship with the bf. Just even writing it out and taking it out of my head makes me question if it were not an equal partnership wouldn't more jealousy arise from perhaps all parties?

Ironically, you and I might be moving in opposite directions over this: My comment causes you to doubt whether aiming for equality this early in the game is such a good idea, while your reply reassures me that this isn't someone that you just met and are getting drunk with NRE (new relationship energy) over. If you've known her for 4 and 8 years respectively, if you consider her a friend and your bf considers her a good friend, then I think that being open - between yourselves and with her - about your wish to at least work towards equality is a good thing.

Personally, I'm not happy with the concept of primary/secondary/terciary, and for me a solid friendship in a love-relationship is much more important than a sexual high. I just think that - especially in the case of sexual highs - it's better not to rush into things that you might later regret.