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  #81  
Old 06-03-2011, 05:46 AM
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TheBlackSwede TheBlackSwede is offline
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You know, I was looking at a some pics from a few years back, when I was freshly skinny, feeling pretty good, and meeting lots of new people. I was also monogamous and not really questioning it. I felt really sexy (and I wore some truly shameless clothing), but I also felt really in control--I was thinking, "sure, look at it all you want, but no matter what, you're not good enough to touch it!" Kind of the wrong reasons, but the right idea. And also, being touched would be kinda awesome (depending on the person, of course).
This thread is now useless without pics.

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Vino thinks you're brilliant.
I'm beginning to like this guy!

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I agree, this needs to happen. I'm working on giving myself permission to get what I want, without feeling unworthy or apologetic or scared.
You'll get there, I know it! We're all rooting for you. ...and I'm rooting EXTRA hard (hehe, double-entendre) because we were just talking about masturbation.

On your recent good news (the convo with Heather) - it can be so incredibly refreshing to hear from another person that you're not crazy, and it's not all your fault. It's absolutely impossible to have that kind of perspective by yourself. We are all of us messed up in one way or another, and sometimes emotions can blind us from the faults of others. We think it's OUR fault, and beat ourselves up, this just makes it all worse, or so I've found. So glad this happened for you, I know the feeling of "wait, you're right, it's NOT all my fault!" - like a hundred pounds lifted of your shoulders.
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  #82  
Old 06-06-2011, 11:58 PM
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Couple of things happened this week.

First, went to Crush's birthday party. (She really needs a better name...but I haven't figured one out that feels right). Crush had quite a few friends over, and all of them were really outgoing, interesting, and fun. This has cemented my belief that Crush is the most amazing person I currently know.

That said, I'm starting to read subtext into everything she says or does. Not good. We went out for drinks a few days back, and I drove her home. We were sitting in her driveway and she mentioned that she's only dated straight men and gay women, except for once when she maybe possibly accidentally "converted" a previously straight woman. It seemed like an odd comment to make at the time (we were talking about the boys her daughter dates). So, now I'm thinking, was she trying to make it obvious that she's interested in women? Or was she suggesting that she's not interested in bisexual women? Or was it just a random, unplanned comment?? Ack!!

All this is rather silly anyway, since I don't know how open her marriage is.

Second, Vino and I took our smaller spawn to a pool party. Vino was pleased to discover (1) that he was the best-looking guy there, and (2) that carrying around a cute toddler is a great way to hit on women. He seemed especially interested in a curvy redhead who kept suggestively sunning herself. I've met her and she's very sweet; I don't know if there's any potential there (she's got a boyfriend, and we still feel weird casually mentioning non-monogamy). If anything, it did make me a little insecure that he was clearly interested in someone sporting a very juicy D-cup, but my unexpected lack of boobage has been a source of self-doubt since I lost weight. I know firsthand how much Vino likes the titties, and it was a bummer to watch mine disappear.

Le sigh. Implants, perhaps?

Last edited by Ivy; 06-07-2011 at 12:50 AM.
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  #83  
Old 06-07-2011, 12:02 AM
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This thread is now useless without pics.
I assure you, I'm no match for your SoCal cuties.
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  #84  
Old 06-07-2011, 12:48 AM
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was she trying to make it obvious that she's interested in women? Or was she suggesting that she's not interested in bisexual women? Or was it just a random, unplanned comment?? Ack!!
Uh, seems pretty obvious to me. Then again, I wasn't there. Still, seems an odd "random unplanned comment" for a bi-woman to make under the influence, in the car with another beautiful woman... Just sayin'. DEFINITELY wouldn't say she's not interested in bi women.

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All this is rather silly anyway, since I don't know how open her marriage is.
If she's got a history of dating women, and pretty-much turned on the flirt with you, it sounds like a fair subject to bring up...

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Second, Vino and I took our smaller spawn to a pool party. Vino was pleased to discover (1) that he was the best-looking guy there, and (2) that carrying around a cute toddler is a great way to hit on women. He seemed especially interested in a curvy redhead who kept suggestively sunning herself. I've met her and she's very sweet; I don't know if there's any potential there (she's got a boyfriend, and we still feel weird casually mentioning non-monogamy). If anything, it did make me a little insecure that he was clearly interested in someone sporting a very juicy D-cup, but my unexpected lack of boobage has been a source of self-doubt since I lost weight. I know firsthand how much Vino likes the titties, and it was a bummer to watch mine disappear.

Le sigh. Implants, perhaps?
Good boobage is a wonderful thing. Yours may be smaller now, but don't knock yer knockers... shape is more important than size - bar none, and most of us prefer natural to implants. Have you mentioned it to him? Maybe he wouldn't even want you to do it!

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I assure you, I'm no match for your SoCal cuties.
Oh you'd be surprised... haha, shoot me an email, let me be the judge of that... 'sides, you show me yours and I'll show you mine...
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  #85  
Old 06-07-2011, 12:53 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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haha, shoot me an email, let me be the judge of that... 'sides, you show me yours and I'll show you mine...
Down, boy!
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  #86  
Old 06-07-2011, 04:10 PM
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Down, boy!
Wow, cockblocked on the INTERNET!

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  #87  
Old 06-08-2011, 05:04 AM
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'sides, you show me yours and I'll show you mine...
Nice kilt.
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  #88  
Old 06-08-2011, 05:38 PM
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Wow, cockblocked on the INTERNET!

I never heard of that expression until I first visited this forum late last year. Now I just figured out what it means, LOL.
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Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
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  #89  
Old 06-08-2011, 08:20 PM
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TheBlackSwede TheBlackSwede is offline
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Nice kilt.
Thank you! Nice.... everything.

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I never heard of that expression until I first visited this forum late last year. Now I just figured out what it means, LOL.
LOL! Quod Erat Demonstrandum, I suppose...
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  #90  
Old 06-10-2011, 05:20 PM
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I'm really angry with Vino this morning. Not a relationship issue per se; I ordered an awesome pair of shoes and I was superexcited about the package arriving today, so I showed him a pic of them. He looked disgusted and made a comment suggesting that they'll make my feet look big. I might have been okay if he'd just said he didn't like them, but it was a half-assed insinuation. Plus, I was pretty freaking excited about them, and that just crushed it.

When this kind of thing happens, it really kills my desire to communicate with him at all. I went skating with Crush last night, and afterward she invited me to a late dinner-meeting-thing with a group of her non-derby friends. It was fun! I was superexcited!! And now I feel absolutely no desire to talk to Vino about it, lest he be a killjoy about that as well.

I know this kind of thing happens even in the best relationships. But...grrr. I'm cranky now.
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