Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #61  
Old 05-22-2010, 05:32 PM
Morningglory629's Avatar
Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 727
Default

I think I am in an ideal relationship/s structure...although not everyone is 100% comfortable with eachother YET. I am not sure if any of us could change our living arrangements but it would be nice to have the freedom to come and go as we please/need. Ideally I would like to be in a close familial way with KT and 2R. I would like our children to know eachother and have some support and contact amongst themselves. Ideally time would not be an issue...we could all just be together or at least be with whom we seek at that particular moment.
Reply With Quote
  #62  
Old 05-22-2010, 08:18 PM
saudade saudade is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 139
Default

Quoting Mez, earlier in this thread:

Quote:
There is NO ideal - there is NO perfection - each day is a reminder that all relationships take and give a working love.
Quoting Pat Carini, "We Love the Things We Love for What They Are", in Starting Strong: A Different Look at Children, Schools, and Standards, which I swear is relevant:

Quote:
"...A perfect child? A perfect marriage? A perfect school? A perfect society? It doesn't parse.

It isn't even that the words are untrue as that they are so woefully inadequate: at the same time, too grand and too small; too narrow and too abstract. What is perfectible is tiny by comparison to life, to a child, to a marriage, to a school, to a society. Perfection privileges virtuosity. It privileges the solo performance. It privileges correctness. It privileges form and conformity. It privileges the stellar moment, and the brief, bright shine of success.

Priviliging [all of these things], perfection misses humanness. It misses the effortful daily work of making and remaking. It misses the roughness of the terrain. It misses the mistakes. It misses joy and sorrow. It misses aspiration and longing. It misses all that is daily-- the continuing on of life, of raising a family, of teaching, of educating. Missing these, it misses a lot. Perfection falls short of us humanly." (italics my own)
I repeat that last line to myself daily, regardless of what imperfection I am struggling with at that moment. My 'perfection' is the journey.
__________________
"I was thorough when I looked for you, and I feel justified lying in your arms." - Chasing Amy
Reply With Quote
  #63  
Old 05-22-2010, 10:55 PM
Honestheart's Avatar
Honestheart Honestheart is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 91
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne View Post
I agree that ideals donīt exist...but I understand that this threat is about irrational dreaming, which is great and necessary for the human being, isnīt it?

So, thatīs what I dream about: My two boys fall in love which each other and we all live together in a place with a lot of space for any of us. We have more children (until now itīs one), doesnīt matter whoīs the dad, and some nice threesomes from time to time

Itīs worth dreaming!
EXACTLY! as long as we do not deny the possibilities simply because they do not live up to our dreams, there is no harm ind reaming of an ideal relationship...
it is worth dreaming, because as long as it doe snot hinder us then it is a positive thing to think of and hope for. even if a dream is never obtained, it was worth thinking about it... trust me, i know that all to well...
sometimes a dream is just a dream... and theres no harm in that.
__________________
"...Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident." ~St Augustine
Reply With Quote
  #64  
Old 05-22-2010, 11:07 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,828
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Honestheart View Post
EXACTLY! as long as we do not deny the possibilities simply because they do not live up to our dreams, there is no harm ind reaming of an ideal relationship...
it is worth dreaming, because as long as it doe snot hinder us then it is a positive thing to think of and hope for. even if a dream is never obtained, it was worth thinking about it... trust me, i know that all to well...
sometimes a dream is just a dream... and theres no harm in that.
Sometimes achieving a dream can backfire too. Because if that dream breaks down, everything else may look a little more dull than before. Its hard to come back down to reality from to high a height.
Reply With Quote
  #65  
Old 05-22-2010, 11:12 PM
ksandra's Avatar
ksandra ksandra is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 78
Default

I think the key is to dream without losing a sense of the reality and what is good about the real world.

Having said that, my ideal relationship would be one of equal love, where there is no wondering whether you care as much for the person/people as they do for you. It would be between individuals who are their own person and who are (thanks for the word nerdist) interdependent and independent. I would like it to be a relationship where everyone is there because they want to be, not because they're afraid of being lonely, or because they need the other members and where the relationship is part of their life, not all of their life.
Reply With Quote
  #66  
Old 05-23-2010, 02:05 PM
Honestheart's Avatar
Honestheart Honestheart is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 91
Smile

Quote:
Originally Posted by ksandra View Post
I think the key is to dream without losing a sense of the reality and what is good about the real world.
there we go, that's what i agree with when i keep saying it is ok to have a dream as long as you do not deny the possibilities...
these are just humble honest opinions that i have but to paraphrase
"it is better to have dreamed and then lost than to never have dreamed at all"
as long as we keep a focus on what is really here offered to us and do not shut out the possibilities of love in reality simply because they do not fit the ideal in our dreams then i think having an ideal relationship as a dream is not harmful...
cus if i read ksandra right...its all about a healthy balance of keeping it real while still hoping for sumthing better.
because i think that what and ideal or a dream is... is a hope. and hope, is a light that rarely leads us astray...
__________________
"...Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident." ~St Augustine
Reply With Quote
  #67  
Old 06-04-2011, 07:41 PM
questioningperson questioningperson is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 13
Default

Im still thinking about it but if I did it would be this

I would have one primary and one secondary we would all care for each other deeply. But respect our needs of wanting to be alone or be with our other partners sometimes. We would have an understanding of what everyone wants out of the realtionship their would be caring and love even cuddling every now and then.

We'd all be a big happy poly family.

Their maybe sometimes where well argue or someone will sleep on the couch because in almost any relationship their will be arguing but at the end of the day we'll al ways be their in the other persons time of need or even just a shoulder to cry on.

Last edited by questioningperson; 06-04-2011 at 07:47 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #68  
Old 06-04-2011, 08:03 PM
just3's Avatar
just3 just3 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: OK
Posts: 71
Default

I thought I had my ideal. My hubbys wonderful. Would love to have another guy that is good friends with hubby also. And loves me for me. Not ashamed of the way we want to love and treats my kids like they belong to them too. Honestly what I have now is perfect just me and hubs and kids. But one day maybe I will find the guy to add to the love in my house. Its nice to have someone here with me all the time. I hate being alone. Especially when hubs is at work. I love to sleep snug in the middle
Chris
__________________
She is C He is S

Last edited by just3; 06-04-2011 at 08:06 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #69  
Old 06-05-2011, 08:03 AM
Anneintherain's Avatar
Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 814
Default

hmm, I have been thinking about this a lot recently - mainly due to time constrictions, once you start dating people other than your (if you have like I do) primary partner, I, at least have found myself dwelling on what would be ideal for me, if I do find this third partner...or mainly saying NO to people who are nice, but I don't feel connected with enough to add as a partner unless they fit some criteria...

I really like the person I am dating now, so ideally that would stick around my life for a yet to be determined future, but if I date a 3rd person (which I would like to do, if it fit into what I was already doing) I would like to date somebody who would become a very close friend to me (aka a chatty communicator who didn't mind talking about their FEELINGS), and who would LOVE to hang out with my husband to kill zombies, and have an independent friendship with him that involved them making plans with each other that didn't need to include me. (Let's say seeing some of these horrible upcoming geeky movies....)

Said err...manly unicorn (in the platonic sense of fulfilling "needs" for an ideal relationship) would also be excited to watch Top Chef or some other horrid reality tv show with me. And find sex a joy. Mainly that last thing, but I admit, the whole bonding over a TV show or other hobby, holds some appeal for me.

After reading some of the other responses, I would say yes, my focus is on the ideal being partners (and metamours) being able to communicate verbally or with the written word, how they feel, what they want, what is going on, or bothering them... so that everybody I am involved with is profiting from the relationships I have a part in, and it's not just about my wants. I don't mind at all "limiting" myself in ways that might make me happy with a partner, if it would cause problems with other relationships they have. Recent experiences have definitely let me know that kindness and consideration by my other partner's partners is much more important than caring about if everything is roses and sunshine in my world.

And on another note, I am pretty damn thrilled how much poly has to offer, no matter that sometimes it offers good, and sometimes bad - I do like the high points!
__________________
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Reply With Quote
  #70  
Old 06-05-2011, 02:01 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,828
Default

Wow this is an old thread. Almost a year since I posted in it. I don't have an ideal relationship. I did when I first got into this. Closed triad all the way. I ended up wiping that concept away once I realized I was falling in love and wanted to not be locked into experiencing relationships as a couple only.

1 year along.. many changes (personal and relationship wise).. I can't think of anything preconstructed that I want. (ok I lied.. I like women.. thats most definitely a limitation hahaha)

Last edited by Ariakas; 06-05-2011 at 02:18 PM.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
configurations, relationship, relationship dynamics, relationship structures

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 03:17 PM.