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  #51  
Old 01-18-2010, 05:03 AM
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Originally Posted by mez View Post
Where one reads 'ideal' one can read ideological and for the polyamory to run head first into the same flaw of the 'ideal' of monogamy and the ideology behind that concept leads to a potential dichotomy of battles between the two.

To hold to concepts of 'the perfect', 'the ideal' is thoroughly dangerous.

Any ideology has a habit of poisoning the good in things using reason to reach a point of absurdity without realising the differences between all of us which is better left to common sense guiding matters.

There is NO ideal - there is NO perfection - each day is a reminder that all relationships take and give a working love.
Wow, that is food for thought. Thank you for this. I love the last sentence!
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  #52  
Old 01-21-2010, 01:20 AM
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KlarssonNY KlarssonNY is offline
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My dream is to, have two “husbands”, where we all live as a family unit, I would also like to have a girlfriend. (she might be the partner to one of my husbands).

But she also might not live with us..
I also desire to have friends that I am very close to, without crossing the sexual line, but cuddle, perhaps shower, sleep, and so on together… I love real connections and touch is a great expression of such.

And it would be great to all live in the same house, like a “family”…


The above is where I want things to “end up”, but I know that relationships go through different stages, or phases. At this point in my life, I want to meet people, make friends, and date if the opportunity arises.

I respect people who-

Embrace Honesty, in thoughts, emotions, words and actions.
Be true to one’s self
Harm None
seek balance in all things
accept people for who they are, not who you think or want them too be
what is, is and what is not, is not. Do not Self Alter
be mindful of who you trust, and the trust placed in you
do not ask questions, if you are not prepared for the answer
everyone has the right to make and take responsibility for their own choices
Emotions are never wrong to the person having them
Do not engage in sexual interaction that you would be ashamed of, or that would cause psychological or spiritual damage.
seek out to find the light in all people, but do not be blind to their darkness
Respect is not only earned , it is also a gift, but if you loose respect for someone, you have lost everything.
Love is the mother of all emotions, respect her and honor her, and know the power she wields, never use her in selfishness, or in vain.

I am attracted to-

Intelligent-can communicate on a level that demonstrates, not only academic knowledge, but real life perspective, an interest in myth, religion, language, and politics, would be a bonus.
Strong- Has a good sense of self, and is grounded mentally, Dom in personality
Spiritual- a set of core beliefs and values, open minded and a strong sense of balance and paths of enlightenment
Emotional- Can love and be loved freely, can cry, and just generally feel and express emotions on a deeper level
Sense of Humor- Witty, Sarcastic, just be able to laugh, and laugh freely
Sexual- Passion is a must, Must be a snuggler and and understand the spiritual power of touch.,

all I truly want is to fully love and be loved, to have that ultimate trust and respect.

There is no other feeling then loving and being loved unconditionally, too truly embrace another person soul for all if it’s light and darkness

So, I guess in a nut shell that is my Ideal, I love souls, and tend to be very drawn to a persons energy, before anything else.
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  #53  
Old 01-23-2010, 02:29 AM
mez mez is offline
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Default Ideal

Thanks Pepper, plucked that from the top of my head.

I have concerns about ideals being that so many people try to live by them and hold them up against others ideals putting them into the mode of a conflict over things that are unattainable. Notice I say "try" because these ideals are very trying on all of us.

Moving away from ignorance and dogma we can begin setting ourselves free from old beliefs. Now noticing that in our gentle way beginning to enlighten.

And everything starts with those dreams and fantasies that spark the imagination and set up cycles of new learning new growth in body / mind.
Realising too that not all dreams and fantasies are attainable and recognizing them for that rather than some pseudo-solidity of 'ideal'.

Remember that a ideal springs first from a idea - the idea is then dogmatized normally by people who wish to follow that idea becoming a ideology and idealising the first proponent of the idea.

The ideal is pernicious and is dangerous in stopping people from thinking further and creating new concepts.

Kelleigh you say "never engage in sexual interaction that you would be ashamed of" and we can take that to mean shame - yet shame is a psychological concept that starts with a external influence projected onto a individual from the outside - from society- from family - from religion - from peers. Guilt on the other hand is a internal psychological feeling that starts from the inside of the individual and is a conflict of realising ones own actions and responsibility in regard to those actions.

Any way I like every ones type written replies and I take much interest from all your ideas and perhaps fashioning them into working models for myself.
Isn't interaction a beautiful thing on every level.

P.S Kelleigh I notice your Frank Zappa quote so I'll add one here

“Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.”

Frank Zappa

“The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes.” William James (1842–1910)


“Habits of thinking need not be forever. One of the most signifcant findings in psychology in the last twenty years is that individuals can choose the way they think.” Martin Seligman, Learned Optimism
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  #54  
Old 05-15-2010, 03:46 AM
Vexxed Vexxed is offline
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Default It's possible, but...

I'm in a relationship with a married woman. Counting her husband, I'm one of her three partners. All of her partners including myself are poly. I live with her other boyfriend. He is an impressive guy. He isn't totally straight, but prefers women. My sexuality is the same. I prefer to date women, but I'm not straight either.

My ideal relationship would be to be in triad with her other boyfriend, whom is my roommate, and her. I'd also enjoy dating another woman, but I'm not highly motivated to start another relationship with anyone outside of our circle right now.

Well, 8 days ago, while working in the garden at night I asked him, "are you open to something evolving between you and I"? He said, "not right now, but I'm open to the possibility of it happening in the future". He then went on to say that he still doesn't like the idea of living with a lover. He said that when I moved in, before I showed any interest in him. 2 or 3 months into living with him (has been 6 months now), he twice mentioned that he no longer was against living with a lover. At that time, I was open to a relationship with him, but it wasn't the first thing on my mind.

Anyway, we have the perfect opportunity. She would enjoy threesomes once in a while, with foreplay between him and I at the most. I would enjoy threesomes once a month, with or without contact with him. He doesn't like threesomes as much as her and I do, but he is open to them. He is very passive about it.

I know that we could have a triad without threesomes, but I would love to have them. I'd also enjoy being involved with him one on one.

Now, I'm trying to figure out how to talk to him about it again. I've given him his space and haven't been pushy about it. I don't know what to do now. He's in the same room as me right now!
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  #55  
Old 05-15-2010, 04:17 AM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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"Perfect relationship"....Hmmm...There will NEVER be such a thing....but one could dream...Right? For me, it would be to live in a larger house with my wife, and another couple....Maybe two other couples. Where we would all pitch in on the household duties and chores together. At the end of the day, we would all be able to cuddle together if we so choose, or not. If we felt like sleeping alone, we could. If we felt like sleeping with our "legal" spouse, we could...If we felt like sleeping with someone else's "legal" spouse, we could. Ideally, we could all be married to each other. But, western judeo-christian laws will never allow that to happen. So I will have to settle for living in a larger house with my wife and some room mates.
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  #56  
Old 05-15-2010, 07:55 AM
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my ideal relationship,
well, to be honest I've been struggling with myself over if i want to get involved in another poly relationship after this last one ended in an uber disastrous way...
but if i were,it would be what i had in my last relationship in that it would be two mono-poly relationships, or rather two V's.
I would date sum guy, and he would date me plus one other gal. i could be either the primary relationship, or the secondary relationship.
we'd have long term serious relationships. we'd all live under the same roof. individual bedrooms but same household. then we have each our own space for us as individuals and for romance. that way theres no "territory" issues which i have experienced before.
I would be best friends with his other girlfriend, like sisters kinda. I would have a platonic love with her, and a romantic love with him.
and the other girlfriend would have one other boyfriend and that other boyfreind would be monogamous to her. and her 2 boyfriends would be best friends with each other, kinda like brothers... altho, we'd need a really big house if he wanted to move in too! LOL.
due to space issues ideally no more than 8 ppl (4 kids, 4 adults) in one house. i think that is manageable, afterall, i grew up with 4 other siblings plus my parents ll in one house LOL
one big happy poly family.

thats it...thats my ideal relationship. basically what i almost had in my last realtionship... two mono-poly relationships, or rather two V's....i suppose that means i want a W? LOL
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Last edited by Honestheart; 05-15-2010 at 08:10 AM.
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  #57  
Old 05-15-2010, 08:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mez View Post
Where one reads 'ideal' one can read ideological and for the polyamory to run head first into the same flaw of the 'ideal' of monogamy and the ideology behind that concept leads to a potential dichotomy of battles between the two.

To hold to concepts of 'the perfect', 'the ideal' is thoroughly dangerous.

Any ideology has a habit of poisoning the good in things using reason to reach a point of absurdity without realising the differences between all of us which is better left to common sense guiding matters.

There is NO ideal - there is NO perfection - each day is a reminder that all relationships take and give a working love.
wow! food fer thought! LOVE IT! thanks fer this post mez! although, to me, an ideal is a want and not a need.
so when i say ideal relationship it is a dream or rather a goal i WANT to work towards...
i do not feel that having this dream or goal is wrong as long as i do not let that become a NEED which restricts me from true happiness and experinceing the posibilties that are out there just because they do not fit my ideal relationship. because i understand that yes there is no such thing as perfection.
i am not striving for perfections in my "ideal" relationship, merely working towards a goal or an "idea" of that i would like but if that goal is never obtained, then I would still be happy because above all my #1 goal is happiness and that happiness can be found with or without a relationship. but when that happiness is with regard to a relationship can be found with or without my ideal relationship because basically i keep my heart and mind open to all the possibilities love may bring me thereby not restricting myself to only my "ideal"
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  #58  
Old 05-17-2010, 07:56 PM
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Danny40179 Danny40179 is offline
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I pretty much live my ideal relationship right now. My wife and I have been together for 12 years, and OUR wife has been with us for the last 2. There is only one thing that I can think that would make this even better. That would be to have our first gf as a part of our family. Unfortunately she passed away 13mos into living with us. We were blessed to have her in our life for a brief time, and are very fortunate to have a partner that understands how important Lori was and is to us.

I sometimes sit and imagine what it would be like if she were still here with us and my heart nearly explodes at the joy of it. I miss her every day, but know that she's with me.
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  #59  
Old 05-20-2010, 06:56 PM
DharmaBum23 DharmaBum23 is offline
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Talking Beyond the realm of the ideal

Ok. This is totally unrealistic and leaves the realm of the ideal and ventures into the fantastic. As of late I am doing well to meet someone who isn't a rabid atheist.

With that said, here goes.

My current relationship structure is very good. I would like to have one woman to add to it. She doesn't have to be involved with anyone else in our structure and can have as many outside relationship as she sees fit as long as we can maintain a good connection(which in my mind would mean that we would speak at least a few times a week and have one date night most weeks).

She would be at least as smart as I am, if not a little smarter. She would be someone that I found attractive(this could mean conventionally "pretty" but isn't limited to that by any means). She would be strong and deeply spiritual(or at least fascenated by it). She would have her own stories and be interested in my tales as well. She would be sexual as well as sensual. She would be interested in entheogens. She would be a bit of a "mocker" of things, including my and her spiritual pursuits. She would have an accent. Even if she wasn't involved with my SO and her partners, she would have at least some respect and affection for them(this is last but actually the most important).

Ok, now that I am done with the flight of fancy, back to the real world.
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  #60  
Old 05-21-2010, 03:10 AM
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I agree that ideals don´t exist...but I understand that this threat is about irrational dreaming, which is great and necessary for the human being, isn´t it?

So, that´s what I dream about: My two boys fall in love which each other and we all live together in a place with a lot of space for any of us. We have more children (until now it´s one), doesn´t matter who´s the dad, and some nice threesomes from time to time

It´s worth dreaming!
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