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  #41  
Old 01-12-2010, 07:23 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DrunkenPorcupine View Post
mental masturbation.
Wow! Now that would be ideal!
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  #42  
Old 01-13-2010, 02:31 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DrunkenPorcupine View Post
I realize after I wrote out that really, really long post that Nerdist wasn't describing "healty" but "ideal". So I suppose a lot of my comments were more or less mental masturbation.
hehehe, sometimes that can be fun too. Giggling happily.
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  #43  
Old 01-13-2010, 03:11 AM
sisterinlove sisterinlove is offline
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Default Ideal relationshis works?

Can Polynerdist's ideal relationship exist and work? Most emphatically YES! But! ALL involved must make the effort.
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  #44  
Old 01-13-2010, 03:36 AM
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Wow. Thank you so much for posting your ideal relationship, nerdist. It's beautiful. It's giving me the courage to say exactly what's in my heart to those I want to partner with.

I'm so touched by how others were moved to express themselves by your post. How delightful!
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  #45  
Old 01-14-2010, 09:06 PM
polynerdist polynerdist is offline
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"Relationships for me are give and take."

I agree. My ideal is that positive energy flows both ways, not just from one to the other. I don't want people giving because they feel forced coerced to do so. I want it to be from the heart. "Give and give."

"If someone's in an abusive or one-sided relationship, would you feel it's a virtue to "give [...] without expection of reciprication"?"

No, I don't think it would be a virtue. I don't think one sided relationships are healthy, and certainly not my ideal.

My ideal is that everyone gives without expectation, but *everyone* in the relationship does that. So that creates the balance, I guess.


"Also, "sharing resources" could be interpreted vaguely as in the aforementioned "love and affection" or more specifically as "time" or "money". [...]

I'm a huge fan of sharing with people I love, don't get me wrong, but I'm not sure I'd hold "sharing resources" as an ideal itself. "

I agree, it is a bit of a vague statement. I myself am not totally clear about what this looks like for me. There's many levels of sharing resources; from someone buying you coffee occasionally to living together and pooling money. What is exactly ideal for me? I'm not sure. But I do believe that my ideal relationship(s) would include an element of one another making contributions to each other's lives in this way.


"There are some people, for having various value sets, that I'd not want to share my resources with. "

Me too.

"For a single person to take "100% responsibility" for the quality of the relationship would seem to both absolve, and burden (chicken... egg... egg... chicken...) the people in that relationship. I see how people could take 100% responsibility for themselves, but claiming that you (or redpepper) are 100% responsible for your relationship working seem to dishonor both you and redpepper as individuals, in my eyes, and conflict with your points later.

As I see it, each person is 100% responsible at the same time. So I am 100% responsible and the other person is also 100% responsible. We are both totally responsible, and equally so. I don't mean that making things work is up to one person, just that it is an ideal of mine that each individual in the relationship takes the perspective of being responsible for what is happening to them, and in the relationship. Again, my ideal is that everyone in the relationship does this; if one person takes on responsibility while another disowns responsibility, then I don't think that's an ideal scenario.
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  #46  
Old 01-14-2010, 09:15 PM
polynerdist polynerdist is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
DP-may I respond?


Are you a mathmatician-minded person?
Because I think someone who is very math oriented would see that on account of 100% is "the sum total".

But for myself, I don't think that 100% is NECESSARILY the sum total of anything.



I see it that BOTH people must take 100% responsibility for the relationship AND that includes taking 100% responsibility to not have a relationship with anyone who isn't 100% responsible for the relationship ALSO.
Then you have much less risk of failure as where one person has a weakness-the other has it covered UNTIL THE FIRST CAN STRENGTHEN THEIR WEAKNESS and both parties know that they will both be fully committed to seeking out their own weaknesses and improving them-not allowing themselves to take advantage of the other persons strength.
For me the "total responsibility" within a relationship is 100% X the number of people in that relationship.

Two people = 200% responsibility. Three, 300%.
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  #47  
Old 01-14-2010, 09:19 PM
polynerdist polynerdist is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DrunkenPorcupine View Post
I realize after I wrote out that really, really long post that Nerdist wasn't describing "healty" but "ideal". So I suppose a lot of my comments were more or less mental masturbation.
While I was describing "ideal" I think it also would be "healthy".
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  #48  
Old 01-14-2010, 09:23 PM
Cosmicgirl Cosmicgirl is offline
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My current realtionships is what id call nearly ideal, 2 amazing wonderful girlfriends.

The only thing that would make it better is for Pearl to be living with me and Faery, I really hope one day that can happen.
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  #49  
Old 01-14-2010, 09:25 PM
Faery Faery is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Wow! Now that would be ideal!
Read erotica? Or in my case yet really psyched out about words... :S
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  #50  
Old 01-18-2010, 02:14 AM
mez mez is offline
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Default Ideology

Where one reads 'ideal' one can read ideological and for the polyamory to run head first into the same flaw of the 'ideal' of monogamy and the ideology behind that concept leads to a potential dichotomy of battles between the two.

To hold to concepts of 'the perfect', 'the ideal' is thoroughly dangerous.

Any ideology has a habit of poisoning the good in things using reason to reach a point of absurdity without realising the differences between all of us which is better left to common sense guiding matters.

There is NO ideal - there is NO perfection - each day is a reminder that all relationships take and give a working love.
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