Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 10-25-2009, 10:14 PM
greenearthal's Avatar
greenearthal greenearthal is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 208
Default

A little more about gender and why I retain these romantic notions about some balance:

I feel like I thrive in both large and small lateral groups. I find that I do not do very well in hierarchical groups at all (I'm the star you're the fan, you're the boss I'm the worker, I'm the boss you're the worker, etc.) But in peer groups, whether large or small, I feel like I really thrive.

However, when I am in large peer groups and for whatever reason I find myself with a significant gender imbalance, people seem to take leave of their senses and act like idiots (sometimes, not an act). In a large peer group that is predominately male there is generally one monocultural type of idiocy, perhaps best labeled as "typical made idiocy". And likewise, when I find myself among a predominately female group things generally devolve into "any one of a million subtly nuanced forms of complex idiocy".

Whether the differences from male to female are more biological or more socialization is irrelevant. The fact is they're there. And I find that groups that tend toward gender balance are more likely to have the mix of skills and personalities to meet problem solving head on and enjoy the benefits of diversity.

I do recognize that both gender balance and fidelity are my own personal preferences. And believe-you-me I am well aware, sometimes we fall in love with people and the love becomes way more important than our personal preferences. But the actual homework assignment was imagine your ideal relationship. And if I won the relationship lotto and found myself in a situation similar to what I initially described I would be a happy camper.

That's all
__________________
me n the band, singin our song

Last edited by greenearthal; 10-26-2009 at 12:03 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 10-26-2009, 12:09 AM
Legion's Avatar
Legion Legion is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 95
Default

My ideal relationship would be more aptly described as a series of interconnectivities between individuals, of which I would be one.

In this relationship is everyone that I love to some extent, and for each of these people from their own perception is everyone they love. I envision it like little gossamer tendrils of energy attaching me to those I think about and love. Some strands are brighter and stronger than others but each is a living thing that can be nurtured to a healthier state or neglected until it withers and dies.

I would have my lovers, and in turn they would have their own. Ideally, I would want the abcense of one of my lovers to be filled by another, or perhaps there would be times when I choose to be alone and they would occupy themselves with other lovers or activities. I hope to be like the river, if a stone is removed, the space is filled. If a stone is added, the space is respected and flowed around. Strong and flowing love, flexible, patient and quietly constant no matter the circumstances.

I like to think I'm practicing this now, trying to love those around me constantly, but being respectful in my interactions with them, not pushing into their space by forcing them to accept my love. Rather it is a thing that is there if/when they choose it, and it is there but not invasive if they choose to turn to other things/people.

That is who I hope to be in the relationship. Whom I hope to be in the situation is not specific other than the people I already love. Their characteristics are varied. The main thing I would like to see is me NOT causing them a bunch of pain and anguish because that has been my main problem in the past. Because I pretty much never find poly girls to be with, they are always mono and I tell them how I am and I've had someone point out that the formula usually goes they are okay with it at first, until they actually start to care about me more deeply then they want me "all to themselves".
So I guess who they are in the ideal relationship is less possessive or whatever it is that they are experiencing that causes such frustrated desires. I would like to have partners who accept that I may want to be somewhere else or with someone else at times.
__________________
Often he had been often bound with fetters and chains, and the chains had been rent asunder by him, and the fetters broken in pieces: neither could any man tame him...and he asked him, What is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 10-26-2009, 03:37 AM
rolypoly's Avatar
rolypoly rolypoly is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 350
Default

My ideal relationship(s) as I define it now is this.

A "primary" relationship with a man. (My ideal man is a whole other story ). We are very independent from each other. The time we do spend together is intense, passionate, loving, vulnerable and honest. We do the dishes, work, love, walk, cycle, play.... together. We are in love and nurture our relationship.

Then we take space. Sometimes with other lovers, sometimes alone. I have other relationships with women and men. Sometimes our together time is also with those other lovers, sometimes just the two of us.

I feel like I belong. Someone in this world gets me oh so well. And I get him. We share our lives, including our other loves. But, we are both free. We don't merge the parts of our lives that don't mesh. We don't sleep in the same bed/house every night. But, we are committed to each other and check in with each other regularly.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 12-31-2009, 02:03 AM
nikkiana's Avatar
nikkiana nikkiana is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 164
Default What's your ideal relationship situation?

I noticed this question coming up in someone's intro thread, and thought it would be a good question to ask the board as a whole... There are plenty of ways out there to do polyamory... What does your ideal relationship situation look like?
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 12-31-2009, 03:33 AM
StitchwitchD StitchwitchD is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 77
Default

An open, co-habitating triad, V, quad or N, associated with an intimate network, maybe have everyone get together for gaming sessions every so often. I don't care much about the details, just that a bunch of people care about each other and will be there for each other in a crisis, and I think a household with kids is easier to manage with more than 2 adults.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 12-31-2009, 10:55 PM
rubyfish rubyfish is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 53
Default

We joke about moving to a commune, but it's not far from what I'd want. Five or six adults all intertwined in some way, living together and supporting each other. Perhaps having children, perhaps not.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 12-31-2009, 11:04 PM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

The one I have with my motorbike LOL!!....awe crap..Redpepper just read this over my shoulder...now I'm in trouble!!
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 12-31-2009, 11:15 PM
PittDruid's Avatar
PittDruid PittDruid is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Pittsburgh,PA
Posts: 59
Default

I don't really have an ideal relationship. I just want to live life and see what happens. I am open to just about anything as far as relationship styles.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 12-31-2009, 11:35 PM
Ravenesque's Avatar
Ravenesque Ravenesque is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 297
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rubyfish View Post
We joke about moving to a commune, but it's not far from what I'd want. Five or six adults all intertwined in some way, living together and supporting each other. Perhaps having children, perhaps not.
I've thought about that before too lol. Intentional communities attract me in many ways.

I have a few relationship ideals. I don't have one that is the best out of the bunch. Like PittDruid I would like life to unfold as it will, hopefully positively.

But I like how you say "all intertwined in some way, living together and supporting each other." As well as the portion about children. Come what may.

I'd like a home filled with love and support. The right amount of loves so not to feel crowded or lonely. I don't know what number that would be lol. Tending the garden together. Celebrating life and nature. And there still being the possibilities of relationships outside of those within the home.

Another incarnation of my ideal is less people living together but with constant involvement between loves who live together with those that don't.

The setup would be non-hierarchical for any of these ideals.

~Raven~
__________________
Are you a polyamorist or non-monogamous individual between the ages 18-35? Are you located in New York State or the Northeast?
Join us at The Network, a social and socially aware network which connects young polys and progressive polys of all ages.



~Open up your mind and let me step inside.
Rest your weary head and let your heart decide. It's so easy.
When you know the rules.
It's so easy. All you have to do is fall in love.
Play the game.
Everybody play the game of love. Yeah...~
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 01-01-2010, 03:44 AM
JonnyAce JonnyAce is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: NY
Posts: 456
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Redpepper just read this over my shoulder...now I'm in trouble!!
come on! you like being in trouble
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
configurations, relationship, relationship dynamics, relationship structures

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:18 PM.